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The Horrible Process of Small Talk

Small talk. Otherwise known as the most horrible process ever. It always goes down the same, and no matter how much you hate it, you just can’t seem to get away from it.

  • Telling yourself you’ll just not talk.

If you’re friends are forcing you to go out, you promise yourself you’ll just avoid conversing with anyone. Of course this never actually works out.

  • Getting stuck talking about the most mundane things.

The weather. Your favorite color. And then back to the weather.

  • Running out of topics to talk about.

That horrible moment where you just stand there in awkward silence hoping they’ll just end your misery and walk away. Instead you panic and say something stupid.

  • The whole beginning process of getting to know someone.

Where are you from? What are your favorite shows? What’s your major? And on and on and on…

  • Trying to figure out what to do with your face.

Am I smiling too much? Too little? Am I making a weird face? Oh god I’m making a weird face.

  • Attempting to flirt if the person is attractive.

Trying to ask those more flirty questions just doesn’t work in the small talk setting.

  • Trying to sound smart and interesting.

Oh, you’ve already found a job with NASA after college? Well, I mean, I got a B on a test yesterday but no big deal.

  • Wishing more than anything you could find a way out of the conversation.

Please give me a reason to leave. Do I have to pee? No… But they don’t know that… I could just go to the bathroom and…never come back.

  • Being bored out of your mind.

Ugh this conversation is THE WORST. Hm I wonder if I should do something different with my hair? Maybe I’ll get a pixie cut… Oh crap they asked a question. Smile and nod, smile and nod.

  • Accidentally bringing up an awkward subject.

Maybe I shouldn’t have brought up the election… That wasn’t a great call. Not at all…

  • When it finally ends and you realize how horrible it was.

So glad that’s over! Now I can just go obsess over how awkward it was for a while…

FIrst I drink the coffee, then I do the things.  
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