If you’re like me, you are over-the-moon stoked for the Netflix series of A Series of Unfortunate Events coming early next year. This book series was second only to the Harry Potter books when I was a kid, and I still give most of the credit for my vocabulary skills to J.K. Rowling and Daniel Handler (AKA Lemony Snicket). So, this is a big deal and I am hype. Also, I am low key about to re-read these masterpieces over Winter Break. ANYWAY. Inspired by the thought of being able to watch some of my favorite childhood companions come to life on the screen that isn’t in the form of a sub-par film starring Jim Carrey as Count Olaf, I thought, well, the end of the semester is also a series of unfortunate events, so let’s put them together. Lemony Snicket opens the book series with these lines, “If you are interested in stories with happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.” This is perfectly reminiscent of the last few weeks of fall semester, except for that finals week does in fact end, which in itself is quite promising. So I decided to pair the titles of the books with the unfortunate events that are currently unfolding around me in my own life in the form of an endless stream of papers and assignments as I prepare for my favorite time of the year (Christmas!!!!) to be ruined by finals.
1. The Bad Beginning
This is the time of the semester right before Thanksgiving Break, where all of the professors think its cute to conspire against you and give you all of these assignments that are due at one time. This is when this series begins.
2. The Reptile Room
There aren’t any reptiles that I can think of persay that are currently a problem for me; HOWEVER, I think of being suffocated by the giant snake pictured above because you are trying to write five papers, go to all these end of the semester events, and still make it to class and work.
3. The Wide Window
The window you always stare out of in the quiet room because you’re brain dead and you wish you were a bird and could just fly out the window away from all of your problems.
4. The Miserable Mill
The constant mill of churning out papers and test answers that you are stuck in for the rest of the semester because college is hard.
5. The Austere Academy
Ah, how fitting because this one is about school.
6. The Ersatz Elevator
Constantly riding an emotional elevator. One minute you’re up because you pulled an A- on a paper you thought you failed, then down again because you had to sacrifice another grade to finish said paper.
7. The Vile Village
The whole school becomes a vile village in a sense, because all good vibes are sucked out of the atmosphere.
8. The Hostile Hospital
Everyone is sick and it is disgusting, thus creating a very hostile environment.
9. The Carnivorous Carnival
The limited space in the libary has finally become an issue and it is a cutthroat world in there as people compete for space.
10. The Slippery Slope
Trying to climb out of the deep deep hole that is the constant stream of papers and tests.
11. The Grim Grotto
Thanksgiving Break will be a momentary relief from all of this grief, but it will be looking pretty grim after that because there is one last week of classes when the last of your assignments are due, and then finals.
12. The Penultimate Peril
Finals will be the penultimate peril that we all suffer through, and it will inevitably be terrible.
13. The End
*SPOLIER* While it might not have been the most happy ending for our beloved Baudelaire children, it will be for us because this will eventually be over, so hang in there.