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Adam’s Advice For His Lovely Lady Captains

Q: Is it weird for the girl to make the first move? How do you go about it?

A: Is it weird that I talk to myself when I’m alone? Okay, maybe? Sure, this is something I would never speak out loud and admit to someone, but, in the same vein, a guy liking that a girl made the first move is something most guys won’t admit out loud either…. But they do! At least, I know I do! As a guy, I can say with 110% certainty that I have no problem with a girl making the first move, in fact I welcome it! You may like a confident man; we also like confident ladies. It goes both ways.

If you like a guy I encourage you to make the first move because, one: he might be too oblivious to notice, and two: he may even be intimidated to tell you he feels the same way! Yes, I’m admitting we are oblivious to a lot of things (not that I needed to inform you of that) and, yes, I’m admitting we might be a little more sensitive then we let on, but I’m doing so in the hopes that it will empower some of you ladies and reassure you that it’s okay to make the first move. I’m not saying to make the first, and the second, and the third, and the fourth move, because it’s important that we feel like men *puffs my chest out* and that we woo you off your feet and prove ourselves too! As for how to do so? Just be honest and let a guy know how you’re feeling instead of trying to low-key flirt! Because trying to be low-key is a good way to be a low-key afterthought.

Q: What are your thoughts on guys who are so weird about periods that they wouldn’t even go get tampons for their girlfriend if they couldn’t? Would you go buy them for your girlfriend?

A: Soooooo… I’ll admit I too am a bit “weird” when it comes to the p word, but I am not an insensitive jerk.  The reaction that most men have when it comes to buying female products is far from courageous and chivalrous, but, in my opinion, it is because we don’t know much about that time of the month. It’s a totally natural occurrence and you should not feel any shame about it. It’s just a very personal issue in our minds and not an issue that guys talk about — like at all! Additionally, at some point it became culturally acceptable to consider those seen with or associated with female products as emasculated, and as a result we became even more afraid of periods than we needed to be. I know the red scare isn’t an issue for me anymore personally; the longer I stayed in my relationship with my girlfriend, the more comfortable I became with her female needs. Today, I would have no problem buying my girlfriend tampons, pads, liners, or any other menstrual supplies. I would even buy them for you! Who knows, maybe I was destined to come to CNU just to help my fellow lady captains out; it could be my calling… But, I hope not.

Q:”I met this guy the first weekend of school at another school, and we really hit it off. I actually went down there for a show, and then saw a guy from high school who got really attractive and I was just thinking I’m going to try that, senior year, balls to the wall. He just wasn’t interesting so I started talking to his friend… and we got along splendidly… I tried to keep contact up, and he ended up coming to one of my shows 3 weeks later. Week after that, I went on this fantastic date with him. Hostess at the restaurant said, “You are such an attractive couple.”We hit it off so well. “Thank you for such a great time,” was said in multiple forms.

He slept over, we cuddled, he does cute kisses on shoulders, forehead, blah blah. “I’ll see you at this event about a month and a half from now, but hopefully before then.” Kiss and hug goodbye. We’ve been texting off and on since the date, I get that he’s busy, so I haven’t been expecting constant contact or anything. He’s got his friends, I’ve got mine. I asked maybe a week after if he was doing anything over Fall Break; I’d really enjoy seeing him again. He said he’d be out of town. And then he didn’t offer up an alternative, and neither did I because I figure, I asked him and planned the first date, he knows I’m interested. I asked again, he’s got the message.

We’re both graduating this year, and we have similar goals and values and I would just really like for this to turn into something. We go to different schools, but the distance isn’t terrible. In his shoes, would you want to pursue something? Should I wait it out and see how things evolve? I don’t want to push things, but I really like him.  I’m playing it cool, I haven’t texted and said, “We align on a lot of things, let’s date regularly.” It’s been a month and a half. I get getting to know a person can take time when you aren’t in constant physical contact. Thoughts, opinions? 

A: I want to thank you for taking the opportunity to reply with such a great multi-faceted question and story! If I were in his shoes, I would want to pursue something! I would be flattered that a girl made such great lengths for my attention and to make it as enjoyable and as fun as you did was really thoughtful! On the other hand, I’m glad you are able to acknowledge that it is hard to get to know someone so well without constant physical time spent together because that is also very true… But I wouldn’t give up hope. Personally, I had feelings for a year and a half before I was able to spend constant physical time with my current gf (of multiple years now), so although it may be hard, it’s ultimately up to you to decide if that person is “your person” and if they are worth waiting for. If I was you, I would text him again, seeing as he is quote on quote “busy,” and just try one more time to see if you guys can set a date to hang out again. If after that he doesn’t seem as interested as you would like, at least you know you gave him a second chance to show it. Although you may think that you guys have a lot of things in common, perhaps he doesn’t realize it yet (I know we are incredibly oblivious and dense sometimes) and more time spent together would allow him to realize that… Hopefully. I hope this message finds you well and keeps your spirits high.  Please let me know how things go. 

Q: How do you even begin to balance your schedule without dropping the things that are important to you? 

A: As lame as this answer is going to sound, I’m just going to preach time management! I know I make time every day for things that are important to me (like seeing my gf every day and my daily visit to the gym for two hours) because, without that, life just isn’t as enjoyable or meaningful. You have to make time for you: TREAT YO SELF, you do you boo boo, etc. But in order to do that you need to handle your time responsibly. Outside of being a full time student, I am a bf, a fraternity member, orientation leader, e-board member in two clubs, intramural junkie, and obviously Her Campus writer, so that means I have to plan my days out wisely. Remember that a day has 24 hours and you get out of those hours what you put into them. All things are possible through effort and hard work, so my best recommendation is to get a planner and write out your schedule on a weekly basis. Even if it means you have to micromanage every aspect of your life like specifically scheduling time out to eat and sleep, doing so can show you holes in your schedule where you can find time to enjoy what is important to you.

Q: What’s a good way to meet new guys?

A: Well, my first thought is (I’m compelled to ask), “Where do you meet your old guys?” because that would help narrow down my search, but my first thought is the gym! It’s like the watering hole of the CNU ecosystem; you’ll have so many guys to choose from. Yeah, it might be a little awkward seeing people all hot, gross, and sweaty, and them seeing you the same way, but if someone takes interest in you when you’re feeling like that, just imagine how much more interested they will become in you once they start talking to you and find out how awesome you are (plus they will think you work out which is something no guy ever complains about). Another great way to meet guys is by joining a sorority! (Though this is not the reason to join a sorority, just an added bonus.) Wait… what?… huh?  No, I’m not confused. You meet guys by hanging out with other girls? Sorority sisters bring their boyfriends and those boyfriends bring their friends and then, with a little bit of chemistry, you may have something. Plus, sororities also have mixers with fraternities on campus which is another way to meet the strapping young men of CNU’s Greek life.

Q: What do I do if my boyfriend and I have conflicting opinions on a lot of touchy subjects like politics or feminism?

A: How do I say this without feeling responsible for however you take my opinion? Hmm… let’s see. It is perfectly acceptable and normal that couples have differing opinions on a variety of things, in fact it is healthy to do so. It is the severity in the differentiation of your opinions that is the indicator if whether a relationship can last through the turmoil of political and ideological tension. I appreciate the differences that my gf and I have because it is possible to gain a different, and dare I say it, even better perspective than I had—but we don’t differ too drastically. If I was a girl and my bf did not support my feminism and my ideals of gender equality, it would be hard for me to date someone who did not view me as his equal, take that for what you will.

You can ask your own questions here!

My name isn't Adam, i just play him on the line.
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