Parties, classes, and new friends means that coming to college with a significant other you met beforehand might be the toughest challenge you’ve had to face together. For me, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years. Two and a half years of love and spending every minute we could together means that not being able to ask him to take me for a walk or seeing him before class makes my heart hurt every time I think about it. Luckily, I have an amazingly patient boyfriend who calms me down when I’m spiraling out about the distance and works with me to make the best out of our situation. Over the past two months apart, I can honestly say that I appreciate the time that I am able to see him even more, and I think that we are stronger than ever thanks to a couple things that we both try to do for each other to give each other the respect and love that we deserve.
1. Don’t Facetime Every Day
Even though your first instinct may be to share everything about your day with your boyfriend when you’re home from classes, the time that you spend on the phone with your boyfriend is time that you’re not spending with your formative friend groups, especially in the first couple of weeks. I know for me, the first couple of weeks I was uncomfortable with making so many new friends and tried to depend on calling home or calling my boyfriend to calm me down, but that just drew the process out more and made me more quiet and uncomfortable when I did hang out with my friends because I missed a lot of what was happening and didn’t feel comfortable just jumping into the conversation. Facetime is a beautiful thing, and it can be a therapeutic way to alleviate your mom’s (or your own) tensions about college, but using it in small doses will help to maintain your independence while making the occasional facetime something special to look forward to.
2. Communicate with Each Other
In no way do I mean that communication isn’t still important in your relationship; in fact, communication is probably more important now than ever! Making sure that the two of you have time every day to communicate in a more low-key way about what’s happening in your lives is probably the only way that your relationship will stay afloat! If you have something to say, make sure you have time to say it, and don’t forget how far a small message of love could take your relationship.
3. Surprise Each Other
Instead of assuming that a certain spark in your relationship is gone, make the effort to surprise your significant other! There are so many quick and easy ways to boost their mood and show them how much you care. For me, it looks like writing my boyfriend a letter every month as an anniversary gift to update him on the little things I may have forgotten to share with him or just tell him how much I appreciate him and everything that he does in making our long distance relationship work! During breaks, making a little care package is a fun and easy way to show them you care, too. At school, creating and shipping a care package can be a lot harder than it seems, but when you’re home and you have a mom to help you, nothing is impossible. I spent half a day looking for things that made me think of my boyfriend and shipping them off to him, and just putting the package together lifted my spirits, so I can only imagine how happy he’ll be to open it!
4. Remind Each Other of Your Love
Not seeing each other consistently might mean that finding the time to remind each other of how much they mean to you is a little more difficult than normal, and that makes sense. When I was at home, I could easily show my boyfriend how much he meant to me and be able to tell him how much he means to me in real life, so I wasn’t used to having to invest myself so heavily in showing love through my texts. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that your significant other might need love at times when you’re hanging out with your friends having a good time, so making sure that you have healthy communication is even more important to making sure that the way you love each other is open and free.
5. Have Fun
Don’t forget that a good relationship gives you a good friend. My boyfriend and I act like complete goofballs together and I can’t think of another person that just gets me as well as he does. We have so much fun together, and even though being apart can make it difficult, we still laugh all the time and act dumb in love with each other. Just remember that your relationship should not be the homework you come back to at the end of classes. Yes, a relationship takes work, but when the work is no longer fun and you find yourself seriously questioning your own happiness, it may be time to have a conversation about moving on. Making sure that you are both happy and healthy within your relationship is the most important thing!
To all the ladies out there in long-distance relationships: It’s going to be okay. Just breathe, love hard, and have fun!