I just turned twenty and it’s such a strange feeling. It’s insane to think I’m not a teenager anymore; middle school feels like it was yesterday. Twenty is a weird age because I’m still not old enough to drink or rent a car, and nothing’s changed in the last two years since I became a legal adult. Twenty feels like it should be a bigger deal than it actually is, so I decided I’m going to make somewhat of a deal about it. Here are, in no particular order, twenty life lessons I’ve learned in my twenty years that I think just about any college student would find useful
- You’re the One Who Gets to Decide Your Worth
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This one may seem a little obvious or cliché, but it’s true. Forget about how many instagram followers you have, what size dress you wear or how many people you’ve hooked up with. All of those things are just numbers that we’ve assigned meaning to. It took me YEARS to figure this one out, and believe me I still struggle with it sometimes, but in all honesty it really doesn’t matter in the slightest. With all of that being said, if you value yourself and love yourself, so will other people. I’ve made the mistake of letting who I hang out with, or even a boy, determine my worth, and I’m finally in a place where I’m happy in my own skin and I know the people in my life love the real me.
- You Can’t Get Ahead While Trying to Get Even
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Basically, revenge may seem sweet, but at the end of the day, you’ll never be the bigger person if you waste your time and energy trying to sabatoge someone who did you dirty. Trust me, keeping your head held high and brushing it off like it’s nothing is the best payback there is.
- It’s Okay to not be Okay
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Everyone is so afraid of being weak and vulnerable these days, and while there may be certain sides of you that you only share with certain people, it’s ok to admit if you’re sad, scared, anxious, angry, the list goes on. Some people can cope with tragedies by brushing it off or distracting themselves, for other people it’s crippling and if you need to cry, scream, break something–what have you–there’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no rule that says anyone has to be strong. Honestly, a good cry every now and then is actually really healthy, and can feel amazing once it’s over with.
- Let Love Find You
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Tinder, Bumble, you name it. Everyone is desperately searching for someone to call their other half. These days it’s almost unheard of to be single and happy about it, at least for young adults. We’ve literally resorted to relying on apps and websites to match make us, when in reality, that’s no real way to meet someone. I’ve never been with someone I met on an app, but I’ve definitely tried to force love where there wasn’t any and it backfired big time! Love is about letting it be natural and easy, it shouldn’t be as stressful as we make it out to be. I was single for over a year after my first heartbreak, actively avoiding love and just trying to focus on myself, when out of nowhere some stupidly charming, ridiculously handsome man fell into my lap. I tried so hard to deny my feelings for him, I had been able to turn down so many other guys the last year, but this one I couldn’t shake. He’s been my boyfriend for several months now, and we’re even moving together. I didn’t want him, but now I can’t picture my life without him. Believe in the fact that when it’s time for you to be in love, it’ll happen, and it’ll make all the bullshit so worth it.
- Leave the Petty Gossip Where it Belongs–In High School
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I know grown people in their twenties and even thirties playing telephone, coming at each other on social media, and even setting each other up. It’s honestly pathetic; you’re an adult with your own life to worry about, so stop worrying about everyone elses. I get it, we all need to vent sometimes, and we all love to “spill the tea” to our besties, but when it comes to something that’s only going to hurt someone, remember that spreading that rumor speaks to your character, not theirs.
- No One is Actually Judging You
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Ever walked into a room and felt like all eyes were on you? Or had to give a presentation but got a knot in your stomach because of what everyone might think about it? Well stop sweating it, because honestly, everyone else is so worried about themselves that they don’t have time to worry about you! And if someone is judging you, it’s their way of trying to make themselves feel better because they’re insecure. Live your damn life!
- Fuck Society’s Standards
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We’ve all just decided that toned abs, a tight butt and perky boobs are attractive, but let’s be real, everyone has their preferences and even if they may not have what it takes to be a supermodel, it doesn’t mean someone won’t see them as beautiful. Personally, I’ve never liked super ripped guys, and we all know “thicc” girls are what’s in right now. There’s no need to stress about your height, your weight, your scars and stretch marks. Why do you want to look like a cut and paste of everyone else? If you’re tall and lanky, then own it, and if you’ve got a spare tire, embrace it. Love yourself and someone else will too, no matter how much of you there is to love.
- Mental Health is Just as Important as Physical Health
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How come it’s acceptable to lay in bed all day with a migrane, but it’s not ok to lay in bed and cry because you’ve had a tough week? Honestly, these two go hand in hand; if you aren’t feeling physically healthy, you’ll lack motivation and overall positivity, and if you push yourself past your emotional limit, your eating and sleeping habits change. Make sure you’re fully charged to every extent so you can present yourself as best as possible.
- “Sorry” is the Hardest Word to Say
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Yes, it’s easy to aplogize for bumping into somebody or for forgetting to give them their pen back after class, but when it comes to admitting you’re wrong, some people may be better than others, but nobody is good at it. It’s never easy to admit when you’re wrong, and even more so to do it first, but think about the weight of the problem and the person you’re conflicting with. Should you break up with someone because you were too stubborn to apologize for forgetting their birthday? Should you end a 10-year long friendship over an argument that simply got out of hand? Swallow your pride and own up to your mistakes. More often than not, when one person apologizes, so does the other.
- YOU Get to Decide What YOU Do With YOUR Body
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Yet another rule society just decided to make up: girls should keep their legs closed and their skin covered up, and boys should have a body count in the double digits by the time they finish college. Don’t listen to any of it, if you’re doing things for the right reasons then screw everyone else. Don’t wear low-cut tops and booty shorts to get attention, do it because you look fly in them! Don’t sleep with any certain amount of people just to feel like you’re wanted, do it because it feels good. Do what you want, when you want, and do it for yourself!
- Always Speak for Yourself, but ONLY Yourself
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Don’t ever let people walk all over you; stand up for yourself and know that you deserve to be treated with respect. People degrade others just to make themselves feel better–don’t give them that satisfaction. Also, don’t be afraid to voice your opinions and share your thoughts. After all, this is the land of the free speech, however, don’t ever overstep anyone’s boundary by deciding how they should handle a situation. You’re always welcome to give advice, but don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t take it. Let everyone fight their own battles, it’s what makes us stronger.
- Do Whatever is Going to Ultimately Make You Happy
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This is the age where everyone screws this one up. Age 18 through 25 is basically a long journey of figuring out who the hell you are and what the hell you want to do with your life. I know so many people that went to school for what would make them money, as opposed to what would make them happy. Take it from the girl who has gone between just about every non-traditional major and minor there is, money really can’t buy happiness. If you can learn to support yourself doing what you love, then do it! You don’t need a big house and fancy cars if you get to wake up every morning and do something you’re truly passionate about. I went from a theatre major/philosphy minor, to a film school student practicing dog grooming on the side. I’m no rich girl, but I love what I do, and I do what I love.
- Arguments Are Two People vs. the Problem, Not Each Other
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This was probably the most life changing thing I’ve learned; there is a common misconception that one person is supposed to “win” an argument, but the problem with that is people lose sight of the initial reason behind the argument — the problem at stake. Instead of one person being right and one being wrong, you two should be working together to find a solution to the problem. An example I see all the time is couples arguing over things like who each other can speak to or hangout with in terms of the opposite sex. Instead of one person making a sacrifice and one person getting their way, recognize that the problem isn’t that one person is talking to someone that makes the other uncomfortable, but that there is a lack of trust which is fueled by insecurities. Talk openly about those issues, and it’ll feel less like a battle and more like a puzzle. This goes for literally every argument, as long as both parties are open-minded.
- Actions Speak Louder Than Words, But Intentions Scream
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Not sure if it’s just the people I know, or this is a common thing for young adults, but it seems like everyone is ready to just cut anyone off in a split second for making one mistake. Literally, chill out! You’re going to have no friends left if that’s the case. It’s understandable that an apology can’t always fix something, at least not right away, but take a step back and think about what the intended outcome was. Was this person really trying to spite you, or did they mean well and just not think things through? When it comes to my standards, until someone goes out of their way to cause me intentional pain or suffering, there’s always room for forgiveness.
- Be Open to Change, but for the Right Reasons
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If you don’t like something about yourself, change it. Never change to up your social status, or attract a potential partner. Be yourself but don’t be afraid to grow and try new things. Notice the patterns in your life that you don’t like and make changes based on that.
- Confidence is Quiet
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I say this simply because cockiness is my absolute biggest pet peeve, but seriously, it’s one thing to be proud of yourself for accomplishing something or to be happy in your own skin, but if you’re feeling the need to constantly rub your strengths in everyones face, it practically screams “I’m insecure!” You can be happy for yourself and be empowered without being overbearring about it. Listen to yourself and think about how much you talk about yourself compared to anything else; people who are truly content with who they are entirely, don’t feel the need to make it known 24/7. Everyone can tell if you’re self esteem is high based on the way you present yourself.
- Let That Shit Go…Seriously.
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Live and learn from your experiences, and definitely never forget those life lessons to prevent history from repeating itself, but holding grudges takes energy, and all of that energy is extremely negative. Of course it’s ok to be angry or upset from time to time, but don’t let it eat at you. The second you stop holding grudges, is the second you’ll start feeling free.
- Time Isn’t Money; You Can Only Make More of One of Them
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There’s a reason the ongoing joke of college students being broke has been around for so long, it’s because now isn’t the time to save every single penny and plan for 10 years in the future, now is the time for experiences. I’m certainly not suggesting you blow all your money away, or that you shouldn’t work hard for it. But you’re only young for so long, you can keep making money ’til the day you die, live while you actually can, and be smart about balancing both time and finances.
- Prioritize Sleep…No, Seriously
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We’ve all been there, it’s 3am and you have class in six hours but you really want to keep binge watching the new season of your favorite show. Or maybe your friends want to go party hopping on a friday night, but you have to go to work bright and early Saturday morning. There’s always going to be a million reasons not to sleep, and people honestly treat sleep like it’s not a big deal, but it seriously is your main source of energy. Think about it like a car, you can minimize the amount of gas you use by turning off the AC and driving at a slower pace, but eventually that tank will be empty and you have to refill it or that car won’t go. Or even your phone, you can turn your brightness down and low power mode on, but one way or another that phone will need to be recharged at some point. Give yourself the sleep you deserve in order to avoid bigger problems later on.
- It’s Not the Curve Balls Life Throws at us That Make us Who We Are, But How We Go About Them
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It’s been said before, but only a small fraction of life is what happens to you, the rest is all about how you react to it. Sometimes you can’t help but feel defeated, after all we’re all human, but you can’t control the bad things that happen to you. Give yourself a day to sulk, or some time to get a good cry in; maybe take a walk, a nap, or go for a drive, but you can’t blame your mistakes on anyone but yourself. Just because you’re having a bad day, doesn’t mean you get to ruin everyone elses. It’s important to understand that everyone experiences tragedy and you can’t compare two peoples’ pain because everything affects everyone differently. The best thing you can do for yourself is try to stay optomistic, and learn the best coping strategies for yourself. There’s such a negative connotation around seeing a therapist or taking medication, when in reality nobody should be ridiculed for trying to better understand and cope with their mental health. Do what’s going to make YOU feel good without affecting everyone else around you. At the end of the day, we’re all figuring life out as we go, because there’s no technical “right” way how to live.