We all know them. We’ve all talked to them. And, in some ways, we love them. No, really. We do. Why else would we answer their texts (or Snaps or Kiks or Tinder messages) if we didn’t enjoy it at least a *little* bit?
But, sadly, not all fuckboys are made equally. They come in all shapes and sizes, and they appear in different forms. I’ve compiled a list of some of the most frequent kinds you either have encountered or will in the future. And don’t say you won’t, because it’s inevitable — fuckboys are everywhere. (Special thanks to my Her Campus team for helping me fill in the blanks with the ones I was missing — #womenhelpingwomen, you know?)
Oh, and before one of you male peeps who reads this goes, “But not all men,” just stfu right now. (Also, you’re probably mad because after reading this you will realize that yes, indeed, YOU are also a fuckboy.)
1. The Hick
Probably the easiest to spot out of all of them. Drives a truck (and argues with other guys as to which make/model is better — THEY’RE JUST TRUCKS Y’ALL THEY GO VROOM), posts it all over social media, and is never not shirtless. No, really. If it’s not the truck, it’s a shirtless fishing/beach pic. Refuses to have a substantive conversation, spits dip while you’re saying something important, and only listens to the kind of country that makes you want to throw something at the wall (which is all of it, actually). Bonus points if he has a Confederate flag somewhere visible.
How to avoid: You have two options here. Sleep with him and realize that the truck is compensating for something else (you know what I mean, y’all), or just spit out some BLM-rhetoric that will make him super red in the face. Also, you can mention that the South will NEVER RISE AGAIN — that’ll sever all ties real quick.
2. The Daddy’s Boy
Only specific groups of women will encounter this one. Well, maybe not. The Daddy’s Boy is usually the son of a prominent lawyer or businessman, and enjoys posing in front of his dad’s Ferrari and checking his Rolex in all his Tinder photos. He wears a lot of Ralph Lauren and Vineyard Vines, plus he had custom cufflinks made (which his parents bought, duh). Probably has his own boat docked five states away. He’s either messaging you because he wants to take a walk on the wild side with you (aka you’re not rich enough for long-term), or because you fit the mold of what his parents want him to end up with.
How to avoid: Sit on the other side of the classroom (and towards the front). If you don’t notice him staring at you you can’t be distracted by the hair flip he’ll do.
3. The Classic
Ugh, the Classic. “I’m not a fuckboy,” he says, while texting three girls at the same time and snapping shirtless post-workout selfies to three more. He probably plays a contact sport of some kind (chances are it’s lacrosse or hockey or something like that) and really doesn’t think he’s doing anything wrong. He’ll talk to you for a few days and then wait like six months to talk to you again. Never wants to be seen in public with you, either. All fuckboys fall into this category, they just vary in the specific behaviors.
How to avoid: FOCUS ON YOURSELF, GIRL. If you’re in school, take the semester to boost your GPA instead of checking Snap every two minutes to see if he opened your message (he did, and he’s leaving you on read).
4. The One who Peaked in High School
This one is super easy to spot. He’s probably working at the same place he was at high school (so food service or hourly retail), still plays video games from the time he gets off work until the time he goes in, and talks to high school girls like they’re his favorite candy. He smokes weed in the parking lot behind his job and drives a lowered white 1992 Honda Civic hatchback with lime green rims and a super loud muffler. Usually sports a ball cap on backwards and ripped skinny jeans.
How to avoid: The cute guy who waits on you at Taco Bell? Not worth it. Take your change and go sip on a Mountain Dew.
5. The Partier
Ah, the Partier. He’s at every frat/srat/bar/club around. You see him each time you go somewhere, and you’re usually just as drunk as he is when you decide to join him on the dance floor or challenge him to a Four Loko shotgunning competition (which you inevitably lose). But, he leaves in the middle of the night after sleeping with you (and you can never remember if it was ever actually that good), and you’re stuck wondering why there’s a random sock on the floor.
How to avoid: When at parties, go with a large group of girlfriends. Your friends have probably had a class with him (even though he never showed up), and they can hold you back from making your way over to where he’s standing at the alcohol table.
6. The Hipster
This one is semi-easy to spot. He’s usually sitting at a corner table at a local coffee shop, sipping on a pour over, either reading a newspaper because no one else does that anymore or listening to Indie tunes through headphones on his MacBook. Probably wears glasses, sometimes a beanie. Will engage in an intellectual conversation with you and claims he’s a feminist. But, he’ll ultimately hate you doing whatever tf you want, and then he tells his friends you guys stopped talking because of your opinion on some abstract theory or something.
How to avoid: When at coffee shops, sit right in the middle. Hipster fuckboys are self-proclaimed introverts; they won’t want to mess with you if you’re surrounded by people. Also. DON’T GO COMPLIMENT THE STICKERS ON HIS LAPTOP.
7. The Social Media Guy
The Social Media Guy is mixed into each of the others, but he can just be one by himself, too. All he ever does is message you on social media, either exclusively Snapchat (which is preferred) or DMing you on anything. Gets pissed when you Snap him anything other than selfies and/or nudes; his go-to phrase is “Can I get a pic?” He is the first to notice something on your social media but never responds — basically ghosting you, but then he comes back when he’s bored.
How to avoid: You can either leave HIM on read, just ignore him, or block him. Either way, he’ll get the picture.
8. The Edgy One
He wears band t-shirts and probably has a pentagram hanging on his neck — but it’s not supposed to be anything Satanic. Constantly posts videos of him screaming to BVB or MIW, with a drastic side part and dyed black hair (like his soul). He used to wear eyeliner in high school but now probably works for GameStop. This was definitely not a phase, mom.
How to avoid: Stop going to Vans Warped. Seriously. It’s ending anyways, and it was pretty much filled with wannabe-emo middle schoolers who are just entering puberty. Also only enter Hot Topic or Spencer’s if you know someone who works there or if they have something specific for you to buy — the Edgy fuckboy frequents those places.
9. The One ‘In a Relationship’
Another classic — this fuckboy definitely has a Tinder, and everything seems fine until he admits he has a girlfriend. Usually she goes to another school, and he just wants to get some in between breaks. You tell him no, and he keeps messaging you. Claims it’s an “open relationship,” and that she wouldn’t care. Fun fact: she would.
How to avoid: Other than not using Tinder (where 90% of these fuckboys can be found), just unmatch or delete him after he tells you. Better yet, find his gf on social media and rat him out. She’ll appreciate you, and you’ll have a new Insta follower to hype you up. She’ll forever be indebted to you.
10. The Ex-Boyfriend
Ugh, this one is one of the worst. You dated for a while, probably a year. Things didn’t work out, but somehow you end up sleeping together after he randomly texts you “Miss you.” You guys hang for a bit, and then he decides he’s “not ready” to get back together, talking about some super small problem the two of you had while you were dating as the reason. Meanwhile, you’re upset you let yourself think he’d changed.
How to avoid: When you break up, see about getting your phone number changed, or block him through your phone provider. Even if you ended on alright terms, at least delete his number. That way, when he texts you, you can be like “Who dis?” and you won’t feel guilty.
No matter what, the truth is simple: fuckboys suck. Like, is it that difficult to be a decent human being? Apparently it is.