Some people design characters with three layers of clothes, five weapons, a smattering of scars, and hair that looks badass but couldn’t possible exist in real life. Others just slap a pink circle on the page and call it a day. But not all pink circles are created equal, as my list will show. For your reading pleasure, here is a definitive ranking of eight characters who are both pink and circular.
Eight: Ink from Happy Monster Band
Look at this monstrosity. Her thick, twiggy eyelashes. Her blue eyes, dotted with a blood red pupil. Her red clown nose. Her fangs are kind of cute, I’ll admit, but her mouth is too small on her bulbous body. Her hands are just smaller, darker pink circles on the end of stick figure limbs. Get this out of my sight.
Seven: Clean Mr. Messy from The Mr. Men Show
Mr. Messy in one of the characters from the Mr. Men book series. In his usual state, he is a collection of pink swirls and loops. But in the Mr. Men TV show, we see a different side of him; when Mr. Messy is clean, he’s a plain, pink circle. Clean Mr. Messy has a certain charm, with his black oval eyes and blue sneakers. However, he’s low on the list because making him clean is messing with the natural order of things. When it comes to Mr. Messy, I’d take an amorphous blob of doodling over a pink circle any day.
Six: Piggy from Lalaloopsy
Piggy is fairly cute, with her black button eyes, large snout, and absolute power stance. However, there’s a hollowness inside her. She’s just a pet, an empty vessel of benign cuteness. What do those button eyes see, Piggy? Nothing, because you have no soul, you absolute accessory.
Five: Pink Puffle from Club Penguin
Pink Puffle has a nice floof of hair. Their eyes are melded together in one bean-shaped monstrosity, but there’s still innocence and life inside them. They have the dopey smile of a dumb but loving pet. I like Pink Puffle, but I had to knock them down to fifth place because my Pink Puffle ran away and I have never recovered. Strawberry, if you’re out there, please come home. I miss you.
Four: Stella from Angry Birds
Stella gets points taken off for being an egregious example of “only female character is pink and has eyelashes.” However, she’s still in the running because she actually has a personality and goals. At least, that’s what I can tell from a thirty-second scan of her Wikipedia page. She also looks fairly friendly. I feel like I would invite her over to tea, and she’d compliment my foyer, and we’d make small talk over my kitchen island until she has to go pick up her younger brother from karate practice. Not a particularly memorable interaction, but still pleasant.
Three: Jiggly Puff from Pokemon
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Jiggly Puff is an incredible feat of science. You’d think that a creature named Jigglypuff could never be as cute as their name implied, but you’re wrong. Those triangle cat ears meld into the pink hair floof with a grace never seen on a mere earth creature. They’re kind, but also have an air of mischief around them. Unfortunately, they have been known to evolve into the inferior Wigglytuff when exposed to a moon stone, so they don’t quite manage to crack the top two.
Two: Tickety Tock from Blue’s Clues
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Look at that off center smile. Those beguiling eyes. Those circling purple numbers. Tickety Tock is truly a majestic specimen of a pink circle. And she wants to be a teacher! Her favorite nursery rhyme is hickory dickory dock! I thought all goodness had gone out of the world, but I found it again in the form of an alarm clock on Blue’s Clues. I would take a bullet for you, Tickety Tock.
One: Kirby from Nintendo
OH. NOW HERE IS A GOOD PINK CIRCLE. OH HELL YES. I WOULD SAY I WOULD TAKE A BULLET FOR KIRBY, BUT HE WOULDN’T LET ME. HE’D SWALLOW THE BULLET AND THEN GAIN ITS POWERS, UNLEASHING HELL UPON MY ENEMIES IN THE CUTEST WAY POSSIBLE. HIS WADDLES SHAKE THE EARTH. HIS NUBBY HANDS CAN HEAL AND HURT IN EQUAL MEASURE. FIRST THERE WAS NOTHING; THEN THERE WAS KIRBY. AND LONG AFTER THE UNIVERSE HAS ENDED, KIRBY WILL STILL BE HERE, RIDING A STAR THROUGH THE INFINITE ABYSS. ALL HAIL KIRBY.
Next up, a definitive ranking of yellow rectangles. Prepare to get absolutely roasted, Wubbzy from Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!