This week, the Bachelor started out with ten minutes of Ben saying, “I could see a life with all of them.” I think that show is already called ‘Sister Wives,’ Ben, so if polygamy isn’t your thing, you’re going to have to make a choice. All the while, Ben stares out of the window of his Switzerland-bound plane pondering the journey he’s been on with each of these three incredible women. As a Bachelor diehard, I’ve already watched the whole season- no need for a recap. Let’s just get to the best part of the three-suitors-left episode, ‘THE OVERNIGHTS.’
Nicki’s Date (26, Dental Hygienist from Hurst, Texas)
Ben and Nicki take a helicopter ride over the Alps to a picnic on the mountains. He continues to call her a “dark horse.” HINT: If you’re in a competition for a guy, you want to be the frontrunner, hands-down; if you're a woman, it's just generally frowned-upon to be referred to as a 'horse' of any type. Nicki dropped the L-bomb (LOVE) last week, and this week, proceeds to ask Ben how many kids he wants. Result: Ben begins taking even… more awkward pauses in… the middle of… his phrases than… usual. His eventual answer: four children.
Then, the card was presented where Chris Harrison asks if they’d like to spend the night together in the Fantasy Suite, equipped with a hot tub. In the fantasy suite, Nicki proceeds to talk a lot about how much she cares for him. Every time, Ben pauses and then just kisses her in response. Usually, I’m a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. But when there are absolutely no words whatsoever, that’s probably a bad sign.
Lindzi’s Date (27, Business Development Manager from Ocala, FL)
Out of the three remaining, I like Lindzi (left). Looks and personality-wise, she reminds me of Tenley from Jake’s season (to the right). This episode, Lindzi and Ben repel down a gorge together. She’s shocked that he’s planned
such a beautiful date. Newsflash: he didn’t- the producers did. As a single collegiette, dinner and a movie seems like the Holy Grail of romance to me, but I wonder how mediocre that would be for the girls on The Bachelor.
Courtney’s Date (28, Model from Scottsdale, Arizona)
This is the first time I’ve ever seen Courtney “feel bad” about being the viewers’ mutually hated girl of the season. It’s fitting that they take a train ride out to a field of cows, because I’m calling bullsh*t on
this. Crying on camera once will not erase weeks of saying “WINNING!” and the awful sideways stank-face that accompanies it.
Unfortunately for all of us, Ben bought it. I’m putting money (Cookout wagers) on her winning the whole thing. He went through a faux wedding with her last week, in which she told him she loved him, and Ben didn’t run screaming in the opposite direction. He’s obviously incredibly fooled. This week, Courtney accepts the overnight date proposition and winds up in another hot tub. Third times the charm!
Emily Maynard as the next Bachelorette
This week, Emily Maynard, a single mom from Brad’s second season, is presented as the next Bachelorette. She makes the trip from her hometown of Charlotte, NC to L.A. while staring out the window for a while, at a plane and then in a limo (the producers of Bachelor/Bachelorette are obsessed with this shot). She meets up with Ali Fedotowsky and Ashley Hebert, two former Bachelorettes, and they go shopping, get their hair and make-up done, and see Titanic 3D together. They plug the movie to no end: “The way Jack looks at Rose is the epitome of a perfect relationship.” It was the most awkwardly staged scene I’ve ever seen on the Bachelor – a difficult feat!
Kacie B. Returns!
Kacie, who did not receive a rose last week, comes back to “get answers.” Ben says he was protecting her by letting her go. Save it, Ben. Kacie also warns him about Courtney. He maybe finally seems concerned… almost. Kacie leaves and, feeling overwhelmed by the encounter, lies down on the floor of the hotel outside of Ben’s room. Uh, that’s not sane or sanitary, Kacie!
Bachelor Ben and the Rose Ceremony
Let’s just take a moment to acknowledge something: Ben’s hair is too long and stringy. He needs to stop parting it in the middle and tucking it behind his ears. He’s beginning to resemble Francine from Arthur.
This week, after a conversation with Chris Harrison, Ben practically runs into the rose ceremony. I guess he wanted to get it over with? He chooses Lindzi first, leaving suspense over whether he will heed everyone’s warnings about Courtney. He doesn’t. He winds up sending a crying Nicki back to Texas.
Next week on... The Bachelor
There’s so much excitement about the possibility of an approaching proposal! And then… halt: we have to watch the ‘Women Tell All’ special. It should be filled with the best gossip and girl fighting of the season… until the ‘After the Final Rose’ special, of course. If you’re just looking to skip next week and watch the finale, I suggest tuning into at least the last ten minutes of the ‘Women Tell All’ special. They usually play some really goofy footage of the girls that makes them seem more like real human beings. Then, make sure to check back here and I’ll recap all of the good juicy drama that you missed. See you next week!