Friday, November 2, 2018
10:26 AM
As I sit on my giant bean bag chair on a rainy and cold day, my mind is flooded with negativity, just like the streets outside.
“Samantha, you are a failure.”
“How did you even get into Clemson? You are never going to pass.”
“Wow another C in a class, you could do so much better.”
I caught myself in the act of beating myself up. I was bringing myself down just because I was not as good as I wanted to be right now. I wasn’t cutting myself some slack. Then the thoughts came to a halt:
“I am worth it, and I am thankful.”
My attitude about myself changed. I was flooded with thoughts of all the things in my life that I am grateful for. I realized I am who I’m meant to be right now. So here is a list of things I am thankful for, and hopefully, you can relate to some as well.
My Struggles
Let me just say, freshman year of college is kicking my butt. 19 credit hours is no joke. I am drowning in school work, but I could not be more thankful. College is hard, but I have been through harder times than this. I am being pushed to greatness, and I know that one day I will look back and be grateful for this time in my life. I might just look back and laugh at little Freshman Samantha, but that’s not the point. The point is, without the struggles I have faced in my lifetime, I know I would not be where I am today. I would be at a small school all alone with terrors and fears dominating me. I would not be at Clemson without the hardships I have faced. I am thankful for every one of them that I have encountered, and I would do them all again if I needed to. I am thankful the opportunities that Clemson has given me even though it has been all blood, sweat, and tears.
My Story
I HATE the word ‘disability.’ It makes me so mad I become numb thinking about it, but I guess in scientific terms I have one. I believe no one should be categorized as being disabled. I am not disabled. I am a capable human being with a good head on her shoulders, out to change the world, but for a long time, I was a girl full of fear. I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. For four years of my life, fear controlled me. My anxiety took over, and I was a mess. I thought I would never overcome the flashbacks I had or the triggers. I overcame it all, with some help of course. But this is apart of who I am. I am thankful for this. I am thankful for the people who helped me. I am thankful for PTSD.
My Family
My family is everything to me. I would not be who I am without them. I have a loving mom and dad. I think my siblings love me. They are my biggest fans. I could not do life without them. They are always helping me back up when I fall or laughing at me. They are great, and I could not be more blessed to be so close to my family. My sister is my best friend. Yes, we fight a lot, but I enjoy her once-in-a-blue-moon FaceTime calls. My younger brother is pretty cool, too. Oh, and my dogs! I am very thankful for them as well. My friends are also my family here. They are the shoulders for me to cry on and complain to. I am so thankful for them.
My Ice Cream Addiction
Can I just get an amen? I have not met a person who doesn’t like ice cream. I am thankful for fueling my sweet tooth and having the best friend a girl could ask for. Enough said.
My Heart
I am a serving person. I live to make people laugh and to help others. I am thankful I was given a heart like this. Serving is what I live for. If an opportunity came about where I could go to a foreign country to love on the people there, you better believe I am going. I love working with kids, and surprisingly, they taught me so much. It shaped me and created a career path for me.
My Creativity
Last night, I could not sleep. Do you want to know why? I was planning on how I was going to restore a dining room table. Wait, what? I legit have 12 ideas, 3 color swatches, 2 Pinterest Boards, and 4 floor plans. I don’t even know where the floor plans come into play. I am so excited to buy this table to restore. I am creative. Along with working out, designing is my emotional outlet. It gets me fired up. I guess if college fails, I could be a designer. I will DIY everything if I can. I am a crazy crafter without all the cats surrounding her, and I am thankful for this trait.
Remember, you are worth it, and you have a lot to be thankful for. Do not bring yourself down. You are killing life right now. Keep it up.
XOXO
Samantha