I personally have been an advocate of Tinder, always trying to “find the one” and always telling myself these men seems like good guys, just to be let down. In my head, I have this image of what I want my “dream guy” to be like. In Tinder reality, that is not always the case. Numerous times have I cried myself to sleep or caught feelings for a guy that just wanted to use me.
I’d like to tell a personal story of how I found my awful ex-boyfriend on Tinder.
During this time, I was in my most vulnerable state, one where I used Tinder constantly. Back then, I was using Tinder for all the wrong reasons. I wanted that feeling of being in a relationship and to have someone there for me when I was lonely.
One day, I came across a 23-year-old boy named Chad, who met all the requirements I was looking for. He had dark hair, brown eyes, and his smile was contagious. So, I decided to swipe right, and it was a match! I had never felt myself light up so quickly for a guy before. Not shortly after, I got a message from him, telling me “he had never seen someone so beautiful.” I knew right then that he was just trying to impress me, but my 18-year-old-self still liked that he was giving me attention. I decided to ask for his Snapchat and see where things would go.
Tinder is one of those apps where you talk to someone for a couple of days and then don’t really hear from them again. That is exactly what happened here. A couple of months went by, and at this point, I didn’t really remember talking to him. Unexpectedly, I get a Snapchat from Chad – a blank Snapchat. It caught me off guard because it had been so long since I last spoke to him. I decided to Snap him back. Right away, those butterfly feelings in my stomach came back, and I was falling for this guy.
We had been texting and Snapchatting for a good while now, and by this time, he finally decided to ask me out on a date. I quickly told him yes. My best friend was so happy that Tinder worked for me (especially because she got cat-fished on Tinder, but that is a whole other story). He drove from his town about 45 minutes away to take me to a nice dinner. We had Mexican food, and it was delicious. Right of the bat, I noticed that even the smallest of things bothered him. We had a male waiter that night, and he convinced himself that the waiter was hitting on me, which he definitely wasn’t. At the end of our date, he wouldn’t even kiss me. He told me that he doesn’t kiss on the first date. I decided to blow that off like it was nothing.
We had been dating at this point for a couple of months. He went to another school, so I always drove to see him. Every time I would go see him, he wouldn’t be at his dorm room. He would be playing soccer or eating off-campus, and I was always stuck in my car waiting for him to come back so we could hang out. He would quickly turn situations on me and say that it was my fault for not getting to his school at a time he wanted.
Any date we went on, I had to pay for Chad. He always told me he didn’t have enough money to pay for our dates. He told me that his car wasn’t working, so I had to come visit him if I wanted to hang out with him. Things like this happened frequently, but I still stuck with him. This kept happening for almost a full year – a year of him making me miserable, crying in Cookout because I wasn’t making him happy. But because I didn’t want to be lonely, I stayed with him.
A week before our one-year anniversary, he called me to ask me if it is okay if he goes to Homecoming with a girl in his Spanish class. I told him that I wasn’t okay with him going to a dance with another girl while dating me. Chad told me that he already told the girl he would go with her. I don’t find this okay and tell him he needs to tell the girl no. Turns out, he didn’t even tell the girl he had a girlfriend, which is why the girl asked him to Homecoming in the first place.
Now just 3 days before our one-year anniversary, he told me he needed to talk to me. That’s never a good sign when someone just “needs to talk.” We met at a Starbucks. I noticed almost instantly that he parked far away from where I was. I knew something was up. I told Chad when I got inside that he needed to get to the point. I didn’t want to sit there and pretend everything was okay. He told me he thought we should break up. I knew that was coming. I simply asked him to tell me why. Was there another girl? Did I just not make him happy anymore? His answer was that I simply “don’t take care of myself.” I almost lost it after Chad told me that. Chad said that I never dress up for him anymore, that I don’t keep my nails painted, and that I always have my hair up. That’s what bothered Chad – not how I made him feel but my looks. I did everything for that boy. I stayed with him when I know I shouldn’t have, and yet, he broke up with me 3 days before our one year anniversary.
Later that night, after Chad and I had broken up, I decided to stay over at my best friend’s apartment because I didn’t want to be alone. And let me tell you, get yourself a best friend like mine. She made up a break-up dance for me, she cried with me, and she tried everything in her power to make me laugh. She was there for me that entire night. She knew how bad of a boyfriend to me he was, but she still supported it.
The moral of this story is that Tinder isn’t the best place to find a boyfriend because most of them are jerks. You don’t have to use an app to find love. I have had the personal experience, and I don’t want you to find a guy like Chad.
*Names have been changed