3 Products to Help You Cope with Clemson’s Overpopulation
After being at Clemson for a few years, we all develop certain habits.
Whether it’s that pre-class Java City run or a certain path to your favorite building,
we become acclimated to our routines within days of moving back. However,
this year, the University has thrown us a curveball. If you’re a sophomore or above,
you’ll have to start adapting.
The incoming freshman and transfer classes are record breakers; the
acceptance statistics show the highest scores and GPAs in the history of Clemson.
The past few years, Clemson has been admitting record numbers of these record
setters, working towards a goal of basically doubling the student population. While
this is undeniably wonderful for the growth of our university, there are SO. MANY.
PEOPLE. They’re everywhere! The typical walking traffic on Library Bridge has
undoubtedly tripled. Parking on campus has always been a nightmare, but this year,
it has gotten to the point where students are now being asked to park at the
botanical gardens and shuttled back to Hendrix. These overpopulation-related
struggles might have you thinking:
Of course you’d be joking, but here are a few products that might help alleviate your
claustrophobia while avoiding an outbreak of the Bubonic:
1.) Human Bubble - $90
This seems like an obvious solution. Strollin’ around campus in one of these bad
boys will keep people out of your personal space, while inevitably making you Yik
2.) Airwheel – approx. $1,000
Move over, mopeds: the Airwheel is now the best way to avoid parking a normal car.
Unlike mopeds, you can drive one of these right up to your building and carry it into
the class with you. Yes, the price is steep, but the years of therapy needed to undo
the anxiety of Clemson parking cost much, much more.
3.) A Folding Table and some Flyers
If you’re looking for a surefire, cost-effective way to make people purposefully avoid
you, look no further. Reserve a spot on Library Bridge, set up a table, and lay flyers
and/or posters on the table. You don’t even have to be in a club, just print random
things. Before your eyes, you will see Clemson students by the dozen intentionally
walking at least five feet away from your spot, nervously avoiding eye contact. A
table and flyers on Library Bridge is the human equivalent of mosquito repellent.
And for those of us on a “Cookout is the classiest meal I can afford right now”
budget, there is still hope. Pull out your cellphone, talk really loudly, and try to stick
your elbows out as far as you can without actually hurting someone. Hopefully,
these strategies will do the trick!