After the hellish stress and fear that was this past news cycle, I am not ashamed to say that I was thrilled that SNL was back this past weekend. Madeleine L’Engle once said that “A good laugh heals a lot of hurts,” and after struggling to process the hearings last week, I needed Saturday’s Cold Open. This list started as general quotes that made me laugh, but then I had too many and decided I had to focus on the real star of the sketch, Matt Damon’s Brett Kavanaugh.
But first, some honorable mentions:
1. “It’s special coverage we at the Fox News are calling “WUH OH!”- Leslie Jones as Harris Faulkner
2. “Whom I’ve been told has been shadowboxing in the men’s room for the last 45 minutes- Judge Kavanaugh!” and “Okay, well I’m hard as hell.” -Alex Moffat as Senator Chuck Grassley
3. “I’m here mostly for Twitter.”- Aidy Bryant as prosecutor Rachel Mitchell
4. “Do you prefer stewardess?”- Mikey Day as Senator Thom Tillis
5. “This is my audition for Mr. Trump’s cabinet and also for a regional production of the Crucible”- Kate McKinnon as Lindsey Graham
And now the moment we’ve all be waiting for, the best quotes from Matt Damon’s appearance on SNL.
1. “I’m gonna start at an eleven. I’m gonna take it to a fifteen-real quick!”
2. “I wrote it myself, last night, while screaming into an empty bag of Doritos.”
3. “I’m a keg is half full kind of guy.”
4. “Makes me want to puke… and not from beer!”
5. “These beautiful, creepy calendars.”
6. “And Alyssa friggen Milano!”
7. “Asked and Answered!”
8. “You mean was I cool? Yeah.”
9. “I don’t know, did you [blackout]? Huh? Huh? Huh?Huh?”
10. “Sorry, I didn’t mean that, I think I blacked out for a second.”
11. “I was the proudest, drunkest virgin you’ve ever seen.”
12. “You don’t have to compare me to Bill Cosby.”
13. “I went to Yale!”
It might say something about me that when astoundingly bad things are happening in politics, a part of me always says “at least SNL will be good this week,” but for now, I’m just really happy it’s back.