College Explained Through John Mulaney Quotes

  1. Attempting to do any work

“Percentage-wise, it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them.”

  1. Thinking about when you graduate

“2029? That’s not a real year. By 2029, I’ll drinking moon juice with President Jonathan Taylor Thomas.”

  1. Discussion sections

“College is just your opinion. Just you raising your hand and being like, ‘I think Emily Dickinson’s a lesbian.’ And they’re like, ‘Partial credit.’”

  1. Getting late night fries

“Sometimes, when people order fries they act like it’s a little adventure. They’ll be like, should we get a plate of fries for the table? Should we do it? Should we- should we share some fries?”

  1. Meeting new people

“And I didn’t know her well enough by then to be like, “Hey, what kind of a person are you?’”