What To Do When Friends Drift- In Response To Our Advice Column

Hi... I have some friend trouble and I don't know what to do about it. My best friend isn't the same person. And I feel us ripping apart. We barely hangout anymore. We used to be the same person. Now she barely cares. She's always rude to me. Has a different boy sleep over every night.

 

Hello Anonymous,

I’m so sorry to hear about your friend problems. It’s hard when someone you thought you knew inside and out, is a whole new person out of nowhere. Sadly, when some people get to college it can really alter them all together. Coming from me, a senior, I have definitely changed since I got here in 2014. But I like to think that I changed for the better of myself. If you want to mend the friendship, or in this case save it, the number one thing I advise is to not ask her to change herself. Even changing into the person she used to be. This may come off as offensive and make it even worse.

When it comes to hanging out, think of the things you two used to do together that were your absolute favorite! Maybe suggest making dinner together one night, just the two of you, to catch up and laugh together again. Or suggest pulling an all-nighter movie night, with lots of snacks and face masks. This may sound cheesy, but who doesn’t love to relax with their best friend? It will probably make her smile that you want to do these little things with her.

If she is rude to you, stand up for yourself. It may be hard, and you may not want to add fuel to the fire, but you have to. If you let it slide, she thinks in her mind, “it doesn’t bother her, so I can keep doing it.” It’s not okay, those are your feelings that she is hurting, and you need to let her know.

As far as the boy issue, if it makes you uncomfortable definitely say something! Especially if you live in one of the suite buildings on campus, it can be extremely awkward for your roommate to be fooling around with a guy 10-feet away from your bed. Tell her to respect you and only have guys over when you are not staying in the room. Aside from your own personal privacy, there’s really nothing you can do about her having multiple different guys over, that’s a personal choice.

I really hope this helps, and if not, feel free to reach out to us again. We are always here to help!

-Courtney