To The Toxic Boy In My Life

We meet again at 3 a.m.

 

As I am sitting here feeling alone.

 

I am left heartbroken; crying myself to sleep because once I feel like we are finally back to the old us, something changes. We used to be perfect. It used to just be you and me, or me and you. I think in the beginning you made me feel like I was the only one you were saying these things to. You made sure I was happy. When I was down you picked me up again. I was the only one in your life that needed to be there. You told me you loved me. You told me how happy you were. Nothing was wrong. We texted day and night, everyday I should add.  Someday at some time though, something went wrong. The conversations got shorter. The messages went from paragraphs to one word answers. I went to college and you stayed back at home. We still text everyday, but I’m not sure why. I have no idea what I am supposed to do anymore. I continuously try and try again to make things work but at this point I just don’t think that it’s possible. You tear me down whenever I’m right and you are wrong. You make sure that no matter what happens, it's always my fault. You tell me you hate me.  I STAY.  You tell me you think I am annoying. I STAY. You tell me that no matter what I do it’s wrong. I STAY. You tell me you want me out of your life forever. I STAY. I’ll explain why.

You were all I knew. The way you treated me was the only way I knew how to be treated. I didn’t know what the right way to be treated was. You need something? I continuously do it because if I don’t, you will be mad at me. You will not talk to me. You will treat me as if I am the most uncared for human being in this world. You will tear me down. Not just piece by piece either. You will tear me down word by word. Everything negative that comes out of your mouth hurts me. Soon there won’t be anymore words to hurt me. I’ll just go numb.

 

Truth be told I was raised better than this. I was raised to love myself no matter what anyone thought about me. I was raised to be a strong independent woman who quite frankly doesn’t need a man to be happy. I was raised to love all and treat all the way you would want to be treated. My mom and dad didn’t raise me to hurt people. They raised me to love them. You were obviously raised differently and that is okay.

 

I WILL FIND MY HAPPILY EVER AFTER. If I don’t? Then I don’t. I don’t need you to be happy anymore. I don’t need to be put down anymore. You are worthless and nothing but a coward. Remember there is a nice seat in hell for people like you. Enjoy your life.

Before you go though, remember one more thing for me? You loved ME first.