So, I’m doing the courageous act of sharing this awfully funny sex story, for the fact that I laugh my head off about it now and feel the absolute need to share it…
Last year I did my annual 10-day trip to Florida to visit my friend from high school who had moved there after graduation. This is the only time out of every year that we get to see each other. So, you could imagine that when we’re together, we basically have a story for every day of the trip. Well, this is my grand story that I brought home and barely told anyone. At first, I didn’t want to share because it is actually a bit embarrassing on my part. But, I realized I needed to lighten up and share some giggles.
My friend was a very avid user of the wonderful app, Tinder. That is where she made most of her friends, meaning where she met all of the dudes she had quick flings with. We decided to head over to her friend “Rocky’s” house from Tinder, who she had hung out with many times before (his nick-name is Rocky so don’t worry I’m not giving him away, plus he’ll never read this). We get there and my friend says, “Hey she needs a guy for tonight!” I really didn’t, I was perfectly content swimming in this guy’s gorgeous pool completely solo. Apparently my words went in one ear and out the other, because not even an hour later a random dude shows up for me.
This guy was hot… Like the Florida sun was just completely soaking him up, making him pretty irresistible. Before I get any further, let me mention that there was loads of alcohol sitting around this house, and we had all dug into it. This guy, we’ll call him “Tom,” showed up halfway hammered as it was. So we’re all swimming, with red solo cups in our hands. My friend and Rocky went in the house to do the dirty, leaving Tom and I alone, great. I was getting pretty nervous because he was eyeing me up like a steak and I wasn’t sure whether I should let the alcohol flow and go with it, or run inside like a baby.
In case you didn’t guess yet, I stayed and got sucked into the handsome that Tom was giving off of his hot bod. He started to kiss me, bite my neck, and shove his fingers into my bathing suit bottoms before I could even catch my breath. Not much longer goes by, and we head to the pool house behind the screened-in pool (this was a very ritzy area). This pool house had a freaking bed, how convenient. My bathing suit was ripped off in .25 seconds, and I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to get dirty with Tom. I never participate in random hook-ups, especially with dudes I’ve known for a few hours. Needless to say I was pretty disappointed in myself the next morning… Anyway…
I had noticed earlier in the night that Tom was screaming “Aye!” numerous times in a row and very fast. I just assumed he was being a weirdo because he was drunk. Ha, wrong. He had turrets. And no, I’m not making fun of people who have turrets, just saying that his form was extremely annoying. I remember finally saying to him, “Hey, could you knock that off its really freaking annoying!” He got really mad and said, “I can’t I have turrets!” I felt like a jerk, and wish I would’ve known before I had sex with him. Try hearing “Aye, aye, aye, aye, aye!” about 300 times in your ear, while having sex.
It wasn’t funny after about the 7th time…