Sex Is An Expectation & It's Not Okay

The older my sister and I get, the closer, and more comfortable we have become with each other. It’s not that I felt as if I couldn’t share things with her before, but there are just some things you don’t typically share with your siblings. Well, recently I’ve torn down the caution tape between our relationship and no longer filter my thoughts or secrets with her. I tell her all that goes on. I think I needed the reassurance from her first, that it was okay to do so. So now that the boundaries are gone, I’m very happy to fill her in on the bad choices I make, or have made in the past, when it comes to boys.

That’s right, I said boys, because that is what they are. I’m not here to bash the male species, just simply here to explain why it is not okay when they do some of the things that they do. Before I even start this rant, if you are a boy reading this, let me ask you a question…

If your mother knew the way you treated young women, would she like it?

Would she like knowing that you slow down your car on a busy street, just to roll down your window to scream sexual comments and whistle at girls as they walk by (regardless of what they’re wearing- that’s not an excuse)? Would she like the fact that you encourage a girl to drink more than she should at a party, just to see if you can get her to come home with you? Would she like how you look at a young lady for her body, before you get to know her brains? Would she like you asking a girl to hangout, when you really don’t mean to “hang out?”

What do I mean by that one? Let’s be honest here. Typically, when I get a text from a guy at an odd hour saying “wyd” or “wanna hang.” I know exactly what he means, and it makes my stomach churn. It really means, “do you want to come over and have sex with me?” How sad and disgusting is that? Yes, humans all have sex and it is a part of life. That is not the issue here. The issue is that sex is an expectation now. If you do not have sex with someone when they want you to, on their terms, you are not worth their time.

Now this does not go for every guy, I have met guys who do not treat women like this, which is the way it should be for everyone. I’m also sure that there are girls who treat young men like this, too. Sometimes, you can’t change a person. But you also should not have to. See I’m getting to this age where I am stuck in between this shitty hook-up culture, but not exactly ready nor wanting to settle down. I just turned 21 years old, and I have no desire to look down at my left hand and see a rock on my finger. I’m trying to graduate and continue being successful before getting my diploma in May.

So, here’s what I’m really saying here…

I will stay off Tinder. I will put “in a relationship” on Facebook when I’m not, just to keep the unwanted men away from me (my current situation). I will continue to focus on ME for once, because I always say I’m going to and never do it. I will continue to learn and earn my degree. I will continue to remind myself that I am a whole person, and not an object.

I cannot stress enough, to understand your worth ladies.