I was sweating both from the blazing Ohio heat and the nervousness of meeting my new roommate when we finally got the last cart of boxes up to my third-floor apartment. What I didn’t know is that my roommate was the least of my worries – I should have been more nervous about my Mom.
I began unpacking leisurely, trying to organize and put things away as I went. After just 15 minutes of this, my Mom announced that she needed to go back to the house as soon as possible, but not without all the moving boxes I still had the majority of my belongings in. I gawked – wondering if she seriously couldn’t find the time to drive 30 minutes back up to campus to retrieve her precious boxes before moving into her new house weeks later. This was not at all the interaction I was expecting.
The weeks leading up to move-in day, she had been complaining that I was working too much and that she wanted to spend time with me before she left. I was concerned because of the astronomical price of college and daunting student debt. She assured me, as she had been doing for the past year, that we had enough money after selling our house in Seattle and that I wouldn’t need to take out student loans like my siblings. This is one of the worst, most insulting lies that she has ever told me. Just a week before school, I had to fill out papers for a $5,000 federal student loan. My Mom manipulated me into going to college because she knew if I had to take out loans I would have joined the Air Force instead.
With my two older siblings, she had stayed the whole welcome weekend to help them unpack and buy them anything they needed. But with me, she couldn’t even take a full day – she overbooked herself with work, my move in, and spending the evening with her boyfriend and his family. I was expecting to have to shoo her out after a couple of hours of unpacking and give her a hug as she was crying when it was finally time to go. My grandma even warned me before we left that she had done that with the older two and it wouldn’t ever change. But it did.
Instead of hugs, tears, and farewells, I was left with $80 from my last social security check from May (all of which dwindled away in days due to purchasing textbooks), a mountain of clothes, school supplies and room decor. After she left, I sat on the floor overwhelmed with where to start. Eventually, I facetimed my friend to show him how ridiculous my room was. He hadn’t been planning to come see me until the next day but after he saw he knew he had to drive the 40 minutes here once he got off work.
I worked from about two in the afternoon ‘til my friend got there. trying to create some semblance of order in my room. After taking a break to get some dinner, we worked until 2 a.m. to finally get the room put together. After all that work, it looked great.
I’ve always seemed to be the most independent of my siblings, so I was left wondering if that’s why she ditched me on move-in day or didn’t give me a monthly allowance for food, etc. like they had gotten. I enjoy being independent, but that’s not why I’m upset. I’m upset because as a middle child, I’m constantly forgotten. I used to walk miles home from school when I was forgotten at extracurriculars, my interests were not fostered or invested in compared to my siblings, I was literally left on a mountain once! No one asked about my friends or checked in on me either. My family moved across the country my junior year after living in the same place for 17 years and I received less socialization from my parents as they were busy with my older siblings.
I’m upset because I’ve realized my Mom has lied to me so many times to manipulate me into doing what she wants. I always try to give her the benefit of the doubt because I grew up with five siblings, I knew she was busy and I knew she was stressed. Now, however, my younger brother and I are the only ones she has to worry about, and my Dad is out of the picture.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that my anger towards my Mom is justified even though I know all too well that it could be worse. The only reason I kept giving my Mom the benefit of the doubt is because she’s the lesser of two evils when it comes to my parents. I’m not close to my Mom like my sister was, and my Dad is a lost cause because of his abusive tendencies. So, I’m left stuck in Cincinnati, wondering if I’ll ever be able to afford to move back to Seattle, and I’m feeling more isolated than I’ve ever been before. So, for now, I’ll continue to be the most independent of my siblings and I can’t help but wonder if anyone will remember my birthday tomorrow.