Reasons Why You Don’t Need A Significant Other (And Why Plants Are Sufficient Substitutes)

In today’s society, people tend to get so wrapped up in dating and hooking up.  Sometimes, though, you need to take a step back and realize what’s really important in life…PLANTS.

Yes, my friends, plants are something special; and I’m about to tell you why they are way better than worrying about a silly relationship.

Have you ever wanted to go out, but your partner wanted to stay in? Not a problem with your plants around! They will go absolutely wherever you want to, and you won’t have to hear a peep of complaining! They will watch any movie, enjoy any restaurant, and let you play your music as loud as you want.

While your plants may seem like a big commitment, they are really open and into experimenting. You can have as many as want! No need to worry about jealousy or having to choose your favorite one. The jade plant will be totally cool with being your go-to sidekick, even knowing you went out with the cactus last night, and had a few drinks with the aloe a few days ago. Oh, and that coffee date with the spider plant. Talk about exploring yourself and what you like!

The only times you’ll ever be hurt by your greenery will be when you get so emotional and excited about that lovely cactus you got drinks with and give it a big ‘ol hug. It tried to warn you, and it’s really sorry, but you had it coming. 

Oh, and talk about a cheap date! They always order water, and maybe a side of some extra soil. Can’t decide what to get everyone for Christmas and birthdays? Your plants will be the easiest things on your list! Maybe a new pot, or some of that distilled water that is just all the rage these days. You know they will love it and get great use out of the investment!

The bond with your plants is probably the healthiest relationship you could ever hope to be in. There is no drama, except for maybe the occasional, “Oops! Haven’t watered you in awhile, sorry babe.” They are great listeners, too. Really though, they love when you talk to them! You even get some oxygen out of the exchange, while they get their well-deserved carbon dioxide. This mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship is enhanced by purified air and aesthetic pleasure. I mean talk about eye candy. 

So next time you are feeling lonely, forget Tinder and head to your local plant nursery! You will be sure to find what you’re looking for there. And when you go, you don’t have to worry about dressing up. They will love you for who you are. Promise!