For those who just wanted to stay in bed, eat pho and watch The Lizzie McGuire Movie for the 82nd time, but then your friend spends the entire day convincing you to go out, this is for you. For those who wanted to get lit on a Sunday but had a physics quiz the next day, this is also for you. When everyone is turning 21, and you’re, y’know, not of age, you have to take one for the team sometimes.
FRIDAY
8 a.m. – 6 p.m. – Your friends spend the entire day trying to convince you to go out but you don’t want to partake in any of the “activities.”
6:47 p.m. – You say, “Fine, but I guess I’ll drive.”
7:12 p.m. – You’re trying to figure out what to wear and how to do your hair or whether or not you even try.
7:15 p.m. – You decide to try because you never know what’s going to happen tonight, amirite?
8:45 p.m. – Finish trying — hair and makeup are done, outfit has been decided and approved by friends.
9 p.m. – Your friends call you over to their place to pregame so you get your keys and hope for the best.
9:04 p.m. – You realize that you forgot your birth control back at home so you drive back.
9:07 p.m. – Figured you need an emergency kit in your car in case of casualties and pre-determined vomit so you grab some snacks, plastic bags and water bottles — oh, and your birth control.
9:15 p.m. – Drive over to the pregame, almost regretting the decision or why you even have these friends.
9:25 p.m. – You get to the pregame and everyone is mad that you’re late.
9:27 p.m. – One of your friends starts to vomit already so you put them in the recovery position on a couch with a trash can on their side with some crackers and a glass of water.
10:20 p.m. – Everyone piles into your car.
10:22 p.m. – Someone finally finds the aux cord and tries to play some Chainsmokers. You start to regret everything.
10:43 p.m. – Get to the party.
10:44 p.m. – Lose everyone.
11 p.m. – Find one friend, can’t find the other ones.
11:30 p.m. – Still can’t find anyone. Someone tries to dance with you, it’s a freshman? ABORT!!
11:34 p.m. – You’re sick of the party and then you finally see someone you know so you chat it up a lil’ bit.
11:38 p.m. – Notice that one of your friends is making out with someone so you take a selfie of your friend mackin’ on this guy as future blackmail if they ever cross you.
10 seconds later: Your friend notices and yells at you to delete it.
11:39 p.m. – You don’t delete it
11:59 p.m. – The party starts to get rolled so everyone MAGICALLY APPEARS.
Midnight: This stupid fraternity starts doing some ritualistic hoo-rah.
12:01 a.m. – Cops are literally outside so you try to dip out.
12:05 a.m. – Someone is lost, no one should be left behind, but you get that text to just leave without them because they’re “getting some” with one of the homeowners.
12:06 a.m. – Everyone piles in the car.
12:10 a.m. – Someone recommends to go to Albertacos, everyone’s favorite Mexican eatery.
12:16 a.m. – Get to Albertacos. Someone complains that it isn’t In-N-Out. You tell them, “tough squash, we’re at Albertacos.”
12:27 a.m. – Someone slides into your DMs. You contemplate whether to go with it or not, but then you look up at all your friends stuffing their faces with carnitas fries and realize that you’re a good friend and you’re not going to leave your friends for some booty call.
12:44 a.m. – Drop everyone off at their respective houses and make sure that they’re all in bed with water at their bedside.
1:33 a.m. – Get home.
1:34 a.m. – Strip and take off makeup.
1:38 a.m. – Get a text that said booty call from earlier in the night wants to come over. Ignore it.
1:40 a.m. – Open up your laptop and watch an episode of Bob’s Burgers on Netflix.
1:44 a.m. – Fall asleep.
SATURDAY
10 a.m. – Get “you wanna go out” texts from your friends again.