Every year you get up early to run a 5K, why do this? To be able to eat without guilt for the rest of the holiday weekend, obviously. It’s a great reward that comes at a great price; sleep, any athletic pride you once had, and sore muscles. But hey it’s worth it, right?
1. You are so ready for this 5K, what is it only 3 miles? Ah! It’s so freaking cold, I should be in bed under the covers with my cat and Netflix.
2. Why did everyone dress up in costumes? Why didn’t I think of that, that’s brilliant, no one has high expectations for someone dressed as a turkey.
3. All right, I’ve found my friends who I will “run with”, they will leave me in the dust but that’s okay. I got my cool t-shirt and number now I look professional. I’m ready to go.
4. The amount of people who are here is insane. There are families are here with their kids, who does that? This is a nightmare and you want to immediately leave. You were not born to run for fun.
5. Too late it’s begun, you feel good for the first half mile. You’re jogging at a nice pace. Why don’t you do this more often?
6. One mile down, this shouldn’t be as big of a victory but it is. Your legs start to tire and your breath is getting harder to catch. Then you realize how many people in turkey suits have passed you.
7. There go your friends’ parents, there goes your high school English teacher, there goes a little 9-year-old, there goes an elderly person, there goes EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE RACE!
8. You didn’t realize how badly this was going to affect your self confidence and want to just collapse and surrender. You’re big enough to admit that this was a huge mistake.
9. Why is no one sweating and out of breath? What is this? Was there some kind of magic potion that you missed out on that got rid of sweat?
10. Hey look your friends slowed down to make sure you hadn’t died yet, how great! The finish line is righ there you can do this! You did it, you feel like dying but you are a champion!