Thanksgiving Foods: Worst to Best

Yay pilgrims, yay family time, yay break! It’s Thanksgiving y’all -- the pregame holiday for Christmas. Nothing's better than to remind yourself how thankful you are to live with a belly full of food with some dank people who you call family. Whether it is your family’s Thanksgiving dinner or your homie’s great idea to have a friendsgiving, there is always that dish someone brought over that you don’t even want on your plate, but have it on there anyway so you don’t seem rude. 

Here is the indefinite definite ranking of Thanksgiving foods.


10. Cranberry sauce

Not a fan; why does this even exist? Unless your grandmother made it from scratch or you enjoy the tart taste to balance out the bitterness of your heart, this should be demolished from the table. A way better alternative is chutney, a fruity alternative with some spices added into it.


9. Green beans

It might as well be tossed in some type of salad. An alternative is to literally just put it in a salad.


8. Corn

Not corn on the cob, but canned corn. Why is it even appealing? There are so many preservatives in there and it’s all goopy. It’s unpleasant and you’re better off getting some corn off of a dank cart with some chili flakes around the right neighborhood.


7. Salad

Great, the green beans are now in there because of the amount of shade I just threw on it, but what’s the point of a salad at the dinner table? Its only purpose is to make ourselves feel better before the carb-o-load. There is no alternative. Just feel bad about yourself. Unless you’re vegetarian or vegan, just eat the entire salad bowl of this. You can join everyone else at the table, I promise.


6. Turkey

I know, it’s the main dish, but unless it’s actually baked or fried correctly, it can be a major hit or miss. It’s so dry and plain that its only purpose is to put in soup or have fun with the leftovers.


5. Bread

Hear me out -- bread is great. I love bread. Dinner rolls are amazing, BUT THEY TAKE UP ALL OF THE ROOM IN YOUR STOMACH BEFORE YOU GET TO THE GOOD STUFF. Alternate with crescent rolls because at least they’re buttery and flakey.


4. Soup

This is the biggest distraction to any meal, but I guess it’s only further up the list because it can make everything earlier on this list into something great.


3. Mac and cheese

There is so much freedom when it comes to this amazing side dish. No alternatives needed. This should be on every family’s dinner table. The creaminess of it all, the ooey-gooey-ness just makes you want to cry (most of the time). Whether it be from the blue box or homemade, you just can’t go wrong.


2. Any potato dish

Like mac and cheese, there is just so much freedom when it comes to a potato. I don’t think I need to go further, but you can mash, smash or hash these babies. You can even bake, shake or grate them onto something. Let’s not forget scalloped though.


1. Honey-baked ham

The sweet, the savory, the almighty honey-baked ham makes the number one spot. I’m not sure about your family, but mine has this hunk of meat twice a year – during Thanksgiving and Christmas and it always takes the pie. It’s the main dish; who cares about the turkey at this point? It’s juicy, warm and moist (I know, you probably just cringed). It’s everything you want. Forget turkey. Remember ham.