Maybe your man is far away, or he exists on a One Direction poster in your room. You’re cuddle-frustrated and need a snuggle partner – we got you. Here are pets according to your ideal type of guy.
The Athlete
You Need: A Dog
Whether you want to wave a sign on the bleachers or run past the yard lines right by his side, you want a bae with lots of energy. You will show off his agility ribbons to your friends while they brag about football championships. But you all know zigzagging through twenty cones without knocking one down is the real determinent of a true man.
The Shy, Introverted Artist
You Need: A Cat
You love the chase… as your arms are in a permanent extended position towards your cuddle buddy that simply cannot get far enough away from you. He just wants to be alone, tending to his film thesis project or napping.
The Bad Boy
You Need: A Snake
He’s got that dangerous look in his eyes that would make Taylor Swift write a whole album. His unpredictable bites are sure to keep a woman on her toes.
The Musician
You Need: A Bird
You detest silence and crave sweet melodies to fill your eardrums 24/7. Just like how your heart melts listening to your boo practice the G chord on his guitar for eight straight hours, your stomach will flutter at the choir of cacaws emitting from the bird cage at two o’clock in the morning.
The Popular Bro
You Need: A Monkey
This guy isn’t afraid to strut up to you at a frat party and impress you with his tricks, like moving his opposable thumbs. He can then take you back to his conservatory and flaunt you to the gang. The next day you’ll laugh with your friends over how he offered you a banana even though it was way too soon to be ripe.
The Mysterious Guy
You Need: A Venus Fly Trap
His sealed lips tempt you. The ambiguity of who he is and his past drives you into restless daydreams. There might be a dark secret behind his stern stare and grey business suits, or he could just eat flies.
The Guy Next Door
You Need: A Hamster
He’s the guy on your culdesac who you used to ride Razor Scooters with. He’s the Chase to your Zoey, the Ron to your Kim Possible. The first friend you’ve ever made from the opposite gender is now a man with a drivers license and needs a date to his frat formal. He summons the courage to invite you for a romantic evening at Olive Garden, but all the meatball sauce he gets on his cheeks only reminds you that you used to compare booger sizes with this guy.
The Prepster
You Need: A Horse
His lush, conditioned mane serves for no competition with the other men’s Calvin Klein sweaters at the country club. You’ll go for morning strolls on the shore by your seaside cottage and enjoy continental breakfasts of croissants, sliced fruit, and hay together.
The Humanitarian
You Need: Ants
A man could build a chair for you, but these guys could construct an empire in your honor. In relationships, you demand to be treated like how England treats Kate Middleton. You appreciate effort, which you reward with an endless supply of kisses, or Cheez-Its to feed the colony.
You Need: Shamu
He’s smart and knows how to whip out that tail, or series of cheat codes. Shamu may have been the geeky calf back in the channels of the Atlantic Ocean, but his IQ has now earned him fame and the hearts of people across the globe. He could probably afford to pay for your lobster, too.
The Guy Who Can Cook
You Need: A Sea Sponge
You drool over the young stud contestants on Iron Chef, and secretly wished Remy from Ratatoille was actually Zac Efron. Your dreams can be granted by adopting a sea sponge, who will always prepare you a plate of Krabby Patties with an enthusiastic smile on his face. And don’t forget grandma sea sponge’s chocolate chip cookies.