Dear Asshole,
You have no idea who I am, but I’ve gotten to know you very well over the past few months.
She cared about you immensely. She wanted a future with you, and as you clinked glasses, you toasted, “To many more.” But there were no more, because this was all a ruse. All the late nights and poetry and shallow professions of “love.” You’ve really got this down to a science.
“It was the beginnings of an ineffable storybook romance, and I was living a fantasy,” she’d tell me. Which was all she wanted. So you can see why I gave you the benefit of the doubt.
After she discovered you were compulsively cheating on her with your other girlfriend, she was devastated. And even though you’re currently living your all-star life without any repurcussions, you need to confront the reality that your actions have dire consequences. My best friend was advised to recieve an STD screening after discovering the extent of your cheating ring. And because of your actions, a three letter acronym was introduced into her life that neither of us ever imagined encountering. HIV. It was a fairly recent contraction they declared, through analysis of her test results.
“It was the most surreal, earth shattering moment of my entire life.”
And for two weeks, she lived with the burden, putting on a good face. It ate away at her soul.
She was false positive. My best friend does not have HIV, but she was ready to live her life as if she did, as if you gave it to her.
She was considered a medical anomaly. An HIV expert posited that she had been exposed to the virus through her partner, but had not contracted it (her partner, unfortunately, being you). However, her counselor disputed this, contending that either an individual contracts HIV or does not–one cannot be merely exposed.
And while the experts agree to disagree, one of them believes you could be HIV positive. And while your cheating is morally egregious, it now may pose a health risk to others–now are you paying attention?
But we both know you will breathe those same susurrous, sensual words into another girl’s ears. Although they are meaningless to you—simply used as a ploy that leads to bed—another girl will fall prey to your wily ways and she too, may become infected.
So, narcissist, here’s what you obviously don’t know:
The HIV stigma is real—44% of individuals in a 2011 survey said they would be uncomfortable if an HIV positive person prepared food for them. That’s like saying you wouldn’t want someone with diabetes to make you a sandwich. Educate yourself to protect yourself (but you probably won’t listen).
And just for the world’s sake: a person can never contract AIDS. HIV only becomes AIDS when a person’s CD4 cell count drops below 200, which can take up to 10 years. The CD4 cell count is an important part of the immune system, which is why it is dangerous for the count to be so low. This is why an individual with AIDS is susceptible to dying from other illnesses, like pneumonia.
But you’re in luck, pal. Whether you’re positive or negative, it’s good to know that HIV is no longer a fatal illness. The medication not only enables an individual to live a completely normal, healthy and full life, but makes it virtually impossible to transmit to others because it decreases the amount of HIV found in a person’s body. A European study has shown that any individual with an undetectable viral load (meaning that there is so little HIV in the blood stream that a test would not detect it) has never transmitted it to another person. Similarly, if an HIV negative person takes a medication called PrEP, this means they are protected against contracting the disease from an HIV positive partner.
And even though your status is forever unknown, 50% of young people with HIV are not aware of their status because they are not being tested. The disease doesn’t discriminate.
And while she did not need an HIV status to bestow her life with that, at least she can extrapolate some positivity from this situation.
So say a prayer for modern medicine, because you would have been fine. And she would have been too, even though we both know you don’t care. Even though you’re a dreadful human being. But she still cares about the future of this world and she cares about your health, because she knows compassion and love will always prevail (and she has a heart of pure gold). She still believes. You did not strip her of her sense of hope for the big, bad world we live in.
We can only pray that you now understand the extent to which your actions can affect others, because they might compromise another girl’s health. And even though you probably don’t care, I do. And I can promise you that she definitely does. And she will toil away to ensure that others care and advocate on behalf of your potential medical condition. At least one of you is invested in your future, and I can definitively say it’s not you. But that’s okay, because she knows much, much, much better than to trust a phony individual like you. So I hope you’re able to enjoy your life, because she will sure as hell will enjoy hers. Even though you almost gave her HIV, just know it will never extinguish the flame of life dancing inside of her. That flame will proudly dance until the day she dies as a “wrinkled [and beautiful], old lady,” as she brilliant put it, surrounded by the people who love her most. By the way, I’d get tested if I were you.
She was never ever ever yours.