So when I found out Donald Trump was running, I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt.
I dismissed him as a political joke, and turned the other way, confident that he would become the laughing stock of the ineligable candidates to ever run for a presidential election. But I was wrong. As he stood behind podium after podium, he slowly wore me down, driving home his goal of making America great once more.
For those of you who laugh at just the sound of his name, I understand. I was once in your shoes. But here is why I am voting for Donald J. Trump for President:
- “I’m really rich.”
If he can monopolize in the business world, he’ll do wond ers for our economy. Given that he has no experience of serving the Federal Government at all, Trump is the perfect candidate to prioritize the 1%. Let’s make it rain, Donald.
- “[I’m] calling for a total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States…”
Can you say progressive? Trump has a one track mind, and he is throwing it back to World War II. With a proper Christian upbringing*, he is confident that discrimating against a group of people because of their ethnicity is going to make America great. Because generalizing millions of people and having them exiled from a country that boasts of its life, liberty, persuit of happiness, and melting pot realities is going to fix all of the problems within the United States. Poof — like magic, right?
*Pope Francis recently claimed that Trump did not reflect the values of a true Chrisitan. But it came from the Pope, the most powerful living religious figure there is, so how accurate is he really?
- “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending their best…They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
Because our perfect, white supremacist country has never had issues with drugs, crime, and rape before the existence of Mexico. They (the entire population of the country of Mexico), according to Trump, are considered a danger to the American dream, American values, and American citizens. Not to mention, they’re occupying all of the jobs we refuse to stoop down to take, so they really are sabotaging our sense of nationhood. Trump has this generalizing, stereotyping, and discriminating thing down to a science, clearly putting him ahead of other open-minded candidates. He’s on the right track: if we continue to alienate and cute tie after tie with Mexico, we will potentially lose them as one of our biggest trading partners, which would really solve all of our problems.
- “The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing noncompetitive.”
Yes.
- “I could stand in the middle of 5th Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn’t lose voters.”
I promise, he’s probably a peaceful guy. But Donald Trump could literally stand in the middle of Times Square, blindfolded, and pull the trigger of a loaded gun, kill a civilian, and not lose one single voter. That’s true patriotism if I’ve ever seen it.
- “If I become president, we will do something really special.”
But this we all knew. By the end of this article, dear reader, you should be totally convinced if not somewhat swayed to join the Trump train. “Something really special,” is specific enough for us to know that it’s something, well, special, and vague enough to keep us on our toes, infering that anything could happen while he’s in office. Anything. Anything at all.