We’re well into the month of February and steadily into 2016. However, that doesn’t mean we can’t resolve to change our perspectives. If there is one thing that should be on your New Years resolution list (which is always subject to change) it’s to read The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown. It was given to me as a gift and, not going to lie, I was a little hesitant to read it. You’re probably thinking what I first thought: it’s just another one of those self-help books. But after reading through the first few pages I couldn’t stop and you won’t be able to either.
“Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are”
Here’s a not-so-little sum up of the important lessons within the book:
The book introduces the concept of wholehearted living, which means to live from a place of worthiness. This concept teaches us to say that we are enough and that we are imperfect, but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t worthy of belonging.
Brown elaborates on wholehearted living and notes that this lifestyle is not a “onetime” choice but instead a process. Sometimes we forget to think in the long-term and commit to things in the “now.” To Dr. Brown, our growth as individuals who desire to live a whole-hearted life is continuous and always changing. We face obstacles at so many points in our lives, and that is why it is okay to fail time and time again.
Courage, compassion, and connection — these three values take precedence in the first chapter of the book.
Compassion. Dr. Brown suggests that you find someone that you can share your struggles with (be make sure that someone is worthy). Allow them to relate to you and give you a different perspective on the matter. She also recommends that you need to be honest with yourself when you “shut down” (aka have a crisis of any sort). She notes that “the heart of compassion is really acceptance” and that acceptance must start from you. Next up: courage. She highlights the importance of “ordinary courage” which comes about in our daily lives. You don’t need to engage in a superhero act to be a courageous individual. Small acts of courage have ripple effects and positively impact those around you. Lastly: connection. Dr. Brown defines connection as “the energy that exists between people when they feel, seen, heard, and valued.” Allow yourself to make new connections; especially with people you would never think of connecting to. There’s a bond between us humans that is so mystifying, so hold on to it.
Fitting in vs. belonging.
A very important lesson! You may ask, what is “fitting in”? And you will find that it is the action that causes us to change to be accepted (a big no-no). But what is belonging? It is an action that doesn’t require us to change, but instead, to be who we are. Just remember, these two terms are NOT the same thing. How can you belong? Never allow your sense of belonging to be greater than your level of self-acceptance.
Adopt shame resilience.
Shame resilience, as defined by Dr. Brown, is “the ability to recognize shame, to move through it constructively while maintaining worthiness and authenticity and ultimately develop more courage, compassion, and connection.” It is so hard to work through the feelings of shame and guilt. These feelings often put us down and make us believe that we can’t do better than how we are doing now. Don’t let shame fool you; you can achieve what you want to.
Choose authenticity because:
It promotes the courage to be imperfect.
It allows us to be vulnerable.
It encourages compassion.
It emphasizes connection and sense of belonging.
Just remember: “sacrificing who we are for the sake of what other people think just isn’t worth it.”
Cultivate Gratitude and Joy:
“If we’re not practicing gratitude and allowing ourselves to know joy, we are missing out.” You may ask why this happens and the answer is simple. We are too afraid to lose what we love the most — because there are no guarantees in life. But you can’t live in the constant fear of what could happen. Allow yourself to be happy.
Cultivate Calm and Stillness:
In our lives we never seem to stop, not even while we are sleeping (what’s that again?). Dr. Brown says to live a life where anxiety is a reality but not a life style. Don’t let it consume you, instead do what our lovely author suggests and cultivate calmness and stillness. Will freaking out help? NO! Never! So what is stillness? “It’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question.”
Get rid of that of that oh-so common self-doubt of yours! It takes away our ability to find our true potential and share our gifts with the world. Remember: “Comparison is the thief of happiness”, don’t evaluate your self worth based on others. It won’t do you any good in the end. Never be afraid to express yourself in fear of being “uncool”! Dance like everyone’s watching because who cares when you’re having fun.
Dr. Brown suggests, “when we don’t give ourselves permission to be free, we rarely tolerate that freedom in others.” Be courageous and be you.
Here are some final thoughts that Dr. Brown closes the book with:
Practice the saying: I am enough. We never give ourselves enough credit for all that we do and acknowledge our feats (both big and small). You are worthy now just as you are. There is no reason to think otherwise.
Accept your imperfections and vulnerability. It doesn’t make you any less worthy or brave to admit these things.
Choose worthiness and honor your story.
(Be sure to get your own copy of Dr. Brown’s book and enjoy every word of it!!!!)