I did mean it, when I said it to you. Whether it was amid a sea of long gowns and square caps on the day of our high school graduation, or if it was at the end of fifth grade when you were moving away to a land that seemed further away than the mere three hours it actually was, I did mean it. When I said let’s keep in touch, I believed we would.
But as we got older and distance seemed further away than a simple text or video chat could solve, it got harder. It got harder not seeing you every day in the same seat next to me in math class, and it got harder meeting new people and living a new life without you by my side. As much as it hurts me to say it, it started becoming a hassle for both of us to talk. Even just a five minute FaceTime seemed like a sacrifice, because each minute we spent alone in our dorm rooms chatting with people from our old lives meant a minute we could’ve spent outside, meeting people for the new lives we were trying so desperately to build. So as our meetings got shorter and further apart, from only hanging out once during Thanksgiving to letting all of winter break slide by, we lost touch. It got harder, and as much as we don’t want to admit it, we might’ve given up.
And to be honest, it still hurts every once in awhile. I still have photos from all our old adventures taped to the mirror on my bathroom wall, and I still see things that make me laugh simply because of that one time we lost our minds over something that no one else found funny. I still see our old posts together, and think of how weird it is to see you smiling in photos now with people that I’ve never met or even heard of. I get lunch with my friends every day and think of how different they are from you yet how much you would’ve liked them, and it’s so weird to think about the fact that the person who once knew everything about me now doesn’t even know my roommate’s name.
I think about you all the time, and it surprises me to realize how much of you I still remember. I remember every dream, aspiration and goal that you had set out for yourself as you started your new life, and even though you didn’t personally text me like you would’ve before, I still smiled with pride when I saw on Facebook that you got that internship you’ve always wanted. I remember how much you loved the snow and how you’d always wanted to leave home for it, and it makes me just as happy now to see you dancing in the snow as it did back when we did our first road trip together to see a blizzard.
So, to the friend who I said I’d keep in touch with, I’m sorry I didn’t. But just know that I remember the things that make you who you are, the things that don’t change, and I have no doubt that you remember me too.