Anyone from Hawai’i will tell you they are 200% done with these types of ignorant questions mainlanders ask them.
1. Why do you say “Hawai’i” so weird? We don’t say it weird, we say it correctly. That little apostrophe between the two I’s is called an okina and it serves as a guttural stop between the vowels. If I had a dollar every time someone asked me to say Hawai’i again, I’d be able to pay off my student loans, and have enough money to spend on ice cream.
2. So, do you know how to surf? Not everyone from Hawai’i knows how to surf. On that note, I do. However, I know plenty of people who body board instead of surfing, don’t do either, and some who can’t even swim.
3. Do I need a passport to go there? You do realize Hawai’i is part of the US, right? Our state was on the quarter too. Even though Hawai’i was illegally annexed in 1898, it officially became a state in 1959.
4. Can you speak Hawaiian? If being able to pronounce street names and memorizing chants counts as speaking Hawaiian, then yes. Do I actually understand what those words mean? Not at all. I know the basics, but most people here speak Hawaiian creole pidgin, which is basically a form of local slang that has become so complex it is now recognized as a language.
5.Do you have internet there? It’s not a destitute third world country, people! It has a thriving economy with cell phones, 4g service, and yes, fully functioning wifi.
6. Do you know (insert person’s name)? Although we do live on small islands with small populations, we don’t know everyone. Do you know everyone in your state, or even in your town? If you throw out a name, chances are I won’t know your friend who lives in O’ahu, especially if I live on the Big Island.
7. You’re from Hawai’i? I went to (insert name of island, usually Maui or O’ahu) once! “Wow, that’s so cool, it’s really beautiful there! I love it,” I say with a glazed look in my eye, my artfully crafted smile slowly turning into a grimace. Translation: “I don’t give a f*%k that you visited Hawai’i. Literally everyone vacations there.”
8. Are you Hawaiian? To put it simply, no. If my blonde hair and pale skin didn’t already give it away, I am wildly Caucasian. In case you didn’t know, most people who live in Hawai’i are not full Hawaiian. Hawaii is one of the most racially diverse places in the world, and that leads to a lot of racially diverse individuals. Approximately 40% of the population of Hawai’i is Asian, 25% is White, and 10% is Native Hawaiian and other Pacific Islanders. When you ask people if they’re Hawaiian, the answer is most likely no, and if they say yes, they most likely have a mixed descent. Better than having someone ask a blatantly non-Hawaiian person if they are Hawaiian, is hearing the question,
9. Why are you so white if you’re from Hawai’i? Because. I. Am. White. Even after spending 14 consecutive years basking in the heat of tropical sunlight, my darkest tan does not compare to that of my melanin endowed friends. It’s simple genetics. Some people are not as dark as others, even if they live on the same island. Deal with it.
10. What do you do all day? School, work, hang out with friends. Chores. Go to the movies. Shop. Eat. Hike across waterfalls. Drive 15 minutes to get to the beach. Crawl through lava tubes. Drink coconut milk and eat mangos. Swim with dolphins and manta rays. Same as you.
11. How did you get here? Seriously, who asks these kinds of things? What do you expect me to say, that I swam to the mainland? That I called an Uber? I went to the airport and got on a plane en route to Los Angeles and sat for 5 hours.
12. Do you live on the beach? No. I also don’t live in a grass shack.
13. What kind of pets do you guys have? Normal ones? Dogs, cats, turtles, rabbits, fish. We don’t have pet dolphins and sharks, if that’s what you’re asking.
14. Who’s kama’aina? Kama’aina isn’t a person, it’s a thing. For locals to obtain discounts at various stores. It’s pretty great, considering our sale’s tax is ridiculously high. However, don’t bother trying to use it if you’re a tourist. We can spot you a mile away, and the fact that you can’t pronounce kama’aina is a pretty clear indicator that you shouldn’t get it.
15. Why do you have 20 aunties and uncles? Because Hawai’i is very family oriented. Calling someone Aunty or Uncle is a sign of respect. When you grow up in Hawai’i, every adult who sees you grow, helps raise you, or is an active part of your life becomes your aunty and uncle. We transcend traditional familial bonds by creating a family based on mutual respect. We’re a pretty progressive state, if you ask me.