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10 Things Nobody Told You About Sex

This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at Chapman chapter.

1. It doesn’t have to be with someone you love in order for it to be good.

While you may feel more of an emotional connection with a significant other, casual sex can be just as gratifying. No need to find your soulmate in order to have a good time.

2. Virginity is not a real thing.

That age-old myth that once you lose your v-card, you’re an entirely different person? False, false, false. Virginity is actually a social construct, a way of policing people’s bodies. Worth is not based on sexual experience and the concept of virginity is something we need to toss for good. All that talk about popping your cherry? Also false. The hymen is a piece of tissue that lines the vaginal opening and can be of any size (some barely have it at all!)– so let’s stop talking about virginity like it’s something that can be measured. Virginity is also a heteronormative concept.

3. Consent can be withdrawn at any time.

Just because you consented to one thing, doesn’t automatically mean your consent applies to everything. You are always allowed to withdraw consent even if you’ve said yes to something else. Yes means yes.

4. Not having it doesn’t make you a better person.

Abstinent? Great! But it’s important to remember that refraining from sexual activity doesn’t make you superior to those who don’t.

5. Nor does it make you a worse person.

Remember that your sexual experiences don’t determine your worth. You do you and embrace it wholeheartedly.

6. It’s going to be awkward sometimes.

There will be weird instances, noises, positions and things might not always go as planned. Laugh at the silly moments and don’t forget that you’re only human. 

7. Communication is key.

The easiest way to ensure sex is the best it can be is to verbalize what you want. Talk about protection and stds beforehand and make sure to voice any concerns you might have. Also talk about what you like and what you don’t like. 

8. It’s okay to like what you like.

Into some unconventional stuff? No worries. Everyone is turned on by different things. Lip biting? Hair pulling? Being blindfolded? Don’t be embarrassed of what you’re into. And if someone makes fun of what turns you on, you probably shouldn’t be sleeping with them.

9. Your comfort comes first.

Never sacrifice your comfort in order to please someone else. If something you’re doing or something you’ve been asked to do makes you uncomfortable, it’s okay to refuse. The most important thing is that you feel safe in the situation.

10. You’re allowed to enjoy yourself.

Nicki Minaj said in an interview with Cosmopolitan, “I demand an orgasm every time.” And you should too. Make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons, because you want to, and because you deserve to enjoy yourself.

Danielle is a spoken word artist from Chicago and a nationally ranked slam poet who previously competed with the Los Angeles youth team. She has a strong fascination with sunflowers, a love for crows, and an addiction to tattoos.