“The Skinny Black Girl”: from personal experience of how being a skinny, African American woman in today’s society has impacted my life. Just a little background: I am 19 years old, 5”4’, 122 lbs, and from what my doctor has told me, I am very healthy. I am naturally petite and I like to think of my body as proportioned in the manner that suits me. By saying this, I mean that my bust, waist and hips fit me. I have been active in sports all my life. I have never had an eating disorder or anything other medical issues for that matter. I am addressing this due to some recent situations in my life that I have encountered. These situations lit a fire in me due to the offensive natures and one-sided perspectives they were presented in.
Wait, WHAT?!
Recently, a friend of mine made a comment during a conversation. The comment went something along the lines of, “Black women are losing because white women are getting big butts.” This is not the first time I have heard the statement, but, this is the first time that I could address it due to the setting. Each time I hear this comment, I am offended and disgusted, and this time was no different. In my opinion, two things are wrong with this statement.
Is it beauty or booty standards?
1. The statement allocates a woman’s worth, beauty and status to a single physical feature: her hips size. I do not agree with the beauty standard that one has to be stick thin to be attractive or the new fad that a woman with a large butt is at the top of some pedestal as to a woman who does not have a large butt. I understand that someone may find a woman on either spectrum more attractive, but for this to be a defining feature of a woman is not right. To allocate one’s worth to this feature is appalling. As a woman, as a person, I deserve for my entire personality to be considered rather than the size of my butt to judge how successful I am or even how attractive I am. My point is that the allocation of someone’s value should not be weighted by a physical feature.
2. The fact an African American woman demeaned herself and other black women, so unknowingly in the manner that my friend did was upsetting. My friend placed white women with larger hips above her. Whether she realizes that this is what she did, this is what occurred. I do not understand why a woman would say one group of women is “losing/winning” over another group of women for anything, especially just because one has a bigger butt. All women are beautiful regardless of any physical feature. Whether you are petite, plus-size, short, tall, black, white, purple, with short hair or the locks of God all the way down to your knees, as women and people, we are all equal. No one group is winning or losing due to the acquisition of a butt.
The second situation I was faced with really hit home for me. I follow a variety of people on Twitter and there are ranges of topics being discussed throughout my timeline. One of my followers was tweeting about how skinny black women have privilege over those who are larger. Her tweets preceded to say that the media loves the skinny black woman and the skinny black woman has more access to jobs, relationships and fashion among many other things. I am not saying these things are not true, but I felt that this view was very one sided. I joined into the conversation and brought up points that have been valid in my life as “the skinny black girl”. She is black but she is lighter toned, with curly, thick hair and is very shapely. As anyone can see, lighter skinned women with shapely bodies, or shapely bodies are becoming who the media seeks. So, in my opinion, she was speaking on something she had never experienced and it was not right. As a brown-skinned, skinny woman, I have faced many comments and pressures from society, the media, and even the black community. Black women or my tone and physique are barely seen in magazines spreads, on the runway or even in movies that are not about black love, family, or racial history. The media does not love “the skinny black woman” unless she has something extraordinary. Black women cannot be mediocre and reach stardom. Another point is that everyone has some sort of privilege whether is male privilege, pretty privilege, etc. but you cannot speak on someone’s privilege because you never know the struggles they have faced either. I may have skinny privilege but all throughout my life, I have been told that I was too skinny, that I needed to gain weight and “put some meat on my bones”. When it comes to dating, I have been told that I was overlooked because my thin frame. These comments were made from people of my own black community. These comments hurt and made an impression on me to the point where I tried to eat more that I needed or even wanted to just to gain weight. Just to say, it did not work. I just recently learned to appreciate my small size and to love my body as it is.
Maybe Next Time
This is not about bashing anyone because of their opinions on a topic, but instead of speaking on a situation you have never faced, how about you see what they have had to endure. So when I am faced with comments that suggest I am not good enough because my butt is not big or that I have privilege because my body is naturally thin, it does have an impact on me, emotionally and mentally. I know I am not the only woman to have had similar experiences as I have. So, to those who want to ostracize the skinny black woman, remember that even if you did not mean for it to hurt or offend, it is not how you meant it, it is how it is taken. Words do hurt and have an effect, so watch what you say. Everyone is beautiful and if someone does not fit your standard of beauty, then that is fine, just find someone that does and keep the negative comments at bay.