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Signs of a Commitment-Phobe

In an age where the dating world has become more and more complicated thanks to texting and newly developed “phases” of what’s “official”, it can sometimes be hard to determine where a relationship stands, specifically in the case of a woman who wants a full commitment from the man in her life.  The game of “are we just talking?” or “am I okay with where we stand?” is exhausting for some women.  There are many ladies out there who are not looking for a label on their relationship, or they are completely content with letting their love life go in whatever direction it naturally takes.  Not everyone needs a steady commitment and to each her own.  However, for all the single ladies out there looking for a commitment from your current love interest, there are important signs to be aware of.  The following compilations of commonly used excuses are ones that every girl needs to know.  There are a few exceptions and denial comes naturally but being aware of “what he means” can help a girl decide whether to reevaluate or maybe even run.

What he says: “I don’t want to date you at this moment because I know I’ll mess it up.  And I could see a good future with you so I’d hate to ruin it now.”

What he means:  “I want to have multiple girls on standby and I know that you’re one who will always be here for me…so I’m saying this to keep you hanging on without feeling bad for being with someone else at the same time.”


What he says: “I’m trying to focus on school/work right now.”

What he means:  “I’m not going to make time for you in my life because you’re not a priority.  I definitely have a life outside of my job and school, but it’s just not important for you to be in it.”

***NOTE: This may be a legitimate excuse and if he is dedicated to pursuing his future then that is a positive thing, that being said, when you are important in someone’s life they make room for you.


What he says: “I’m scarred from my last relationship and I’m just not ready for another one right now.”

What he means:  “I was committed to the same girl for a while and now I want to be able to spread the love.  I’m not ready to commit because I have no intentions of committing to anyone, until it is the right one.”


What he says: “A title just adds unnecessary stress…we are good the way we are”

What he means:  (again) “I want to be with you and as many other girls as they want without feeling guilty.  I want to have my cake and eat it too. “


What he says: “I don’t want to rush into anything”

What he means: “I’m dragging you along casually and avoiding a potentially awful breakup that can sometimes follow a commitment.  It could be a year and I’m not going to make this official.”   

***NOTE:  This is actually a legit excuse.  But…if you are starting to feel like you have heard it for a long time, then it has probably been a long time.  


What he says:  “I don’t want to ruin our friendship”

What he means:  “I’m not going to date you.  Ever.  You’re my friend and if you’re willing to break the physical bounds then I’m totally cool with that.  But emotionally you’re only my friend.  Forever.”


What he says:  “My friends are all single and they’ll give me a hard time and I don’t want them messing with me and ruining what we have.”

What he means:  “Being called “whipped” or having my guys mock a relationship with you is not worth dating you.  Essentially I put their opinions over your feelings.”


When a guy truly likes a girl, he will want to commit.  Some are slower than others and for completely understandable reasons.  Nevertheless, when a guy wants to be legitimately tied to you, and fears losing you to another male competitor, he will not hesitate to put a title on your relationship.  Most importantly, every woman knows deep down when something does not quite feel right in her love life, so follow the heart, the natural instincts and the advice above to help guide the way.  You are worth too much to settle for something you don’t really want.




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Kaylee Brown

Chapel Hill

Kaylee Brown is a second year, Journalism major, English minor at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She watches way too much reality t.v. and can quote basically any movie ever made...something she's proud of. She has rocked a bob hairstyle since 1996. Her mom is her best friend in the entire world but she's an undeniable "Daddy's Girl". She is 100% Tarheel born and bred. She loves anything Southern, struggles with an addiction to sweet tea, and likes to write things.
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