Chances are, if you’ve been to the grocery store this month you were bombarded with enough pink cookies and heart-shaped-everything to make you colorblind for the next hour. For some of us, that’s just another reminder that the loathed Singles Awareness Day is looming (who needs any men but Ben & Jerry, anyway?). For others, it’s a reminder that we need to stop putting off the gift-buying and amp up the date ideas for our special someone. Whatever the case, Valentine’s Day is as good a time as any to assess your relationship (or lack thereof). Maybe you’re in the early stages of dating, you’re trying to make your long distance relationship work, or you’re just not sure if you’ve found the right match. Everyone could use a dose of relationship advice to put things into perspective. Find out which of these seven tips applies to you and use them to your advantage the next time you find yourself in a tough love situation.
1. Don’t Be a Stage-5 Clinger: We all know how awkward and nerve-wracking the beginning stages of a relationship can be, or even just meeting someone and deciding when to hang out. If there’s one thing that will scare your guy away (other than perhaps unshaven legs), it’s clinginess. Just because he asked for your number doesn’t mean you should text him every morning, every afternoon after class and every night. Let things play out naturally, and if the guy is interested, he will show it. Michael, a freshman, weighed in on the clingy issue by saying, “if I’m interested in a girl, I will definitely let her know. It’s annoying when the girl tries too hard and feels like she has to constantly talk to me or throw herself at me to get me to notice her. Texting too much or being clingy in the beginning is a sign I won’t want to take things further.” Hey, even Taylor Swift is afraid of being single on Valentine’s Day. Maybe it’s because guys are scared she’ll write a song about every detail of their relationship as soon as they break up—little clingy/creepy?
2. Don’t Give More Than You Get: There is nothing worse than being in a relationship in which one person puts in more effort than the other. Not only is it unfair, but it’s also a big sign that you’re not meant to be together. If it’s clear that you’re the one that calls more, visits more, or even puts more thought into gifts, chances are you care about the relationship more. If a two-person relationship is not totally balanced, one of you is not getting what you deserve. My friend Hunter, a junior, had a literal experience of giving more than getting. “I gave my boyfriend of three years a $115 tie he loved, and he gave me a hat his sister picked out for me. You need to realize who’s putting more effort into the relationship to avoid awkwardness down the road.” Find someone who puts as much effort into the relationship as you do without feeling burdened.
3. Love the Person, Not the Relationship: This is the best piece of relationship advice I have ever given or received. Love is a wonderful thing, and sometimes people want it so badly they don’t realize that what they’re in love with is their relationship or the idea of love, not the actual person. Maybe you’ve been together so long that you’re so attached and hate the idea of being with somebody else, but if you’re not completely head over heels and crazy about the person, it’s time to try. When you finally find the perfect person, you’ll thank yourself for letting go of that old relationship to find real and true love. For those of you who are single but are trying to find love, take this advice to heart. Hunter had a fantastic point on this as well: “When you’re the only single girl in a group of friends it can be hard not to dive into something solely because you want something. Being single is a rewarding experience, and girls need to learn to embrace it.”
4. Don’t Over Think: One of the most important things to do in a relationship is be yourself. Especially in the beginning of a relationship when texting plays a big role, don’t obsess over each text you send or receive. Girls tend to read more into texts than necessary, and don’t let such a small thing make or break your decision to continue seeing somebody. Once you’re in a relationship, everything should come naturally, so if you find yourself forcing something or struggling to find things to say, you might not be in the right place. It’s also important not to be too picky when it comes to looking for the right guy. Jack, a junior, says it’s important for girls to have an open mind. “If girls spend too much time waiting around for the perfect guy, they might miss out on the right one. Have an open mind about what you like in a guy; just because he might not be your idea of a perfect guy doesn’t mean he won’t end up being a great guy or boyfriend.”
5. Spice Things Up: Even if you’re perfectly happy in your committed relationship, changing things up is always a good way to keep the spark alive. The best ways to spice up your already happy relationship are spontaneity and surprises. Instead of doing the same thing you do every weekend, take a road trip to a place you’ve never been together before. A simple and cheap thing to do is set aside one night a month to have a date night out, and you can do something different each time. With so many good restaurants around, you could write down all the ones you want to try together, and you’ll have something different to look forward to each time. Simple surprises like buying tickets to a concert and leaving them in his room, writing cute notes, or surprising him with his favorite meal are fun ways to keep the romance alive.
6. Make the Most of Your Long Distance: Long distance can be one of the hardest things your relationship will go through. However, if you do it right, it can also be one of the best. “Don’t use it as an excuse to stay inside, mope, and not enjoy your life. Embrace the time on your own and have your own fun, while knowing you still have somebody who loves you, even from afar,” says Hunter (she’s full of advice, y’all). Her Campus’ own Jaleesa Jones, a sophomore, knows all about long distance because her boyfriend lives in Indiana. When I asked for her advice she said, “it’s really cliché but communication is key. I feel like when people are together all the time they kind of sweep certain things under the rug, like arguments. But when you’re apart from each other it’s easier for tension to build up so it’s important to be totally 100% honest so you don’t compromise the relationship. Also, little nice things like Facetime and postcards go a long way.” Although good communication is essential, it’s important to not obsess over your phone and make your relationship your only priority. My boyfriend and I endured long distance for a year and a half, and we learned that it’s completely possible to have a great time while you’re apart even though you miss each other. He says, “We made it work because we didn’t spend all our time obsessing over our phones. We were able to have our own separate lives while still having a strong relationship, which made our time together even better.” (Awe).
7. Have Fun! There’s a saying: the right guy will mess up your lipstick, not your mascara. As cheesy as it is, I can’t help admitting it’s true! Relationships are about finding someone who complements you, supports you, and can have fun with you no matter what. Patrick, a senior who’s had multiple relationships, has learned that “you have to be compatible in all situations. You should be able to be perfectly content from random things like going to the store together or going for a drive.” If it’s the right person, you can have fun doing anything at all.
So, ladies, if you find yourself struggling on what to do about your love life, know that Her Campus has got you covered.
P.S. if you don’t have any V-day plans, spend your time looking at this. You’re welcome!
Photo sources:
http://www.ballinaadvocate.com.au/news/what-men-and-women-want-kiss/208091/ (Have Fun photo)
http://www.smsglitz.com/love-sms/i-keep-waiting/ (Long Distance photo)
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=146716563&page=1 (Clingy photo)
http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/library%20kiss (Cover photo)
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-relationships/traveling-with-your-man (Road Trip Spice Things Up photo)