Real Live College Guy: I’m Friends with My Ex’s Friends

Dear Real Live College Guy, I have a question for you regarding a former friend and past lover. We both used to like each other, but things turned sour,and now we just can’t seem to get along. The problem is, we are in the same group of friends, and I never feel comfortable around him. I get the feeling that he thinks I still want him but I dont! How would you resolve this issue so we can be civil?
 

This is one of the dangers of seeing someone inside your friend group. It is going to take some time, and there isn’t a guarantee you’ll ever get back to being civil depending on the parties involved. It also depends on how things ended between you both. If things went sour because of one person the ex-significant other is highly likely to hold a grudge. This can be a huge obstacle to overcome. The best advice that can be given is to “kill him with kindness.” A little trite? Maybe. But it’s the only proactive response that will eventually lead anywhere positive. It may seem difficult but if you continue to be friendly to him, he’ll eventually let go of the snide remarks or any other ways he makes you feel uncomfortable.
 

So next time he tries to call you out in front of all your friends or wants to have a drunken conversation about how you guys never get along, just laugh and brush it off because the less you focus on it the less everyone else will. It will eventually deter him from making things uncomfortable in the future. If he does continue he will definitely lose popularity in the friend group. No one wants to hang around with that kid. It will become obvious quickly.
 

As for him still thinking you’re interested in him, those feelings will eventually fade. Some things to avoid include trying to bring guys around or always bringing up a guy in conversation. He will most likely think you’re trying to make him jealous. If you are seeing another guy it will get back to him and he’ll get the hint. Subtlety is the best policy.