Hope.
It may seem basic, but I have hope for the rest of this year and the energy it holds.
2020 really took a hold on many people, including me. Although I know no one directly affected by the virus itself, I have been affected indirectly. Mental health is an important subject for someone like me. I struggle with both anxiety and PTSD. Through the pandemic I found myself isolated, talking to no one, and trapped in my childhood home. I remember the exact moment in March where everything took a turn downhill. It was a few weeks after coming home from college. I originally saw it as an opportunity to work on my creative pursuits and have a bit of a break from the hectic college lifestyle.
At a certain moment, a couple of weeks later I began to think:
“You’re trapped in this house and world, there is no telling when this will end or how long and you are hopeless.”
My body began to react in a way that I had never experienced. My breath was out of rhythm and my heart began to race, my body was shaking. I immediately ran downstairs and tried to explain to my mom how I felt, but I physically couldn’t form words. I began to tear up, and all I wanted to do curl up in a ball. At this moment, I felt like I didn’t own my body and no longer had control of it. At this moment, I realized how bad the pandemic was affecting me and my mental health.
I remember my therapist telling me, there is hope. I remember her telling me this amid all the chaos, and although it’s straightforward, it held with me. I will continue to have off days, but I will also continue to have peaceful and positive ones! I see a light at the end of this long, long tunnel.
And most of all, there is hope for the new year.