For the last two weeks my roommates have been 4 200-pound plus football players…oh and a fellow girlfriend. What started off as a simple weekend staying with the boyfriend turned into a few extra days, then a week…and with the stress of midterms, work and balancing “couple time,” I now have a section in his room piled high with heels, makeup and enough Bath and Body products to last a month. You could say I’ve gone in on an incognito mission. Along the way, I’ve seen a lot more than the rugged side I was expecting, and have learned a lot about relationships, guys and myself along the way.
So we could say my incognito mission was successful. I managed to “crack” the code on how boys – especially my boyfriend- tick, and learned more about myself in the meantime. Along the way, I’ve compiled a list of tips for anyone planning on spending a few weeks, or a few nights at their significant other’s house.
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Preconceived notions are for the birds. If you could make a list of all the preconceived notions I had about boys in general, relationships, and living with someone of the opposite sex, I’d say it’d be pretty long. Here are two of the most popular notions that my friends and I shared before I entered male territory.
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First, guys are neat, most of the time. Inspired by my two neat freaks of an uncle, I came to college hoping boys would at least know how to mop a floor…and needless to say, I was disappointed by my sloppy, yet endearing male friends freshman year. Four years later, I can happily say that even offensive tackles appreciate a mop and broom.
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Second, I figured that living together with my partner would cause me to get tired, annoyed and frustrated quickly – causing me to lose interest. In actuality, I think staying together may strengthen your relationship. He will understand why you’re moody (most of the time) and you can see the way his personality works, and why he does the things that used to confuse you. Seeing all those quirks you never saw before may even make you find him more attractive.
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Couple time can be enlightening. TV and movies make you believe that couple time is popping in a movie over a candlelit dinner and gazing into each other’s eyes (okay, maybe not really…but it would be nice to arrive home to a candlelit dinner!). But couple time can be ANYTHING, from catching up on the basketball games on TV, working on homework, complaining about homework, etc. And even during the most boring moments, you can learn something about your partner. During my extended stay, I’ve learned so much about my boyfriend I probably would have overlooked during our movie and lunch dates. I know those little quirks that only his roommates see, and it makes me understand and appreciate him more.
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Living together is unedited. You see everything. After a few days of sleeping in my makeup (which did not turn out pretty for my face or the pillows), I realized that in any good relationship, you’ve eventually going to have to let him see you in sweatpants, a bare face, and bed head. And having the confidence – and trust – in your partner to do so is great. Along with that, believe me that you’re going to see the unedited side of your partner. So be prepared.
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Boys are just like girls. If you haven’t heard it before, I’m telling you now: boys love to talk just as much as we do. There is no gender bias with the gift of gab or gossip. Boys struggle over what to say in texts. Boys struggle over what clothes to wear going out on weekends. And lastly, some boys will obsess over some shoes just as much as you feign over those new Jimmy Choos during class. Don’t believe the hype when people try to set guys and girls apart. We all have the same emotions, and eventually you’ll probably see those emotions in your partner.
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Respect is important and even more important once you are living together. If your partner goes to bed at 11, don’t be rude and come in at 10:59 and want to talk about your day. If you are considering living with your partner, look at your schedule, and talk about how you can make sure both of you are comfortable.
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Personal space is important. Even though my stuff may be at my partners, I am not always there. I know my busy schedule and desire for a social life is important as well as my mental well being – and will help me appreciate my partner when I do come home. If you’re thinking about living with your partner (or staying for an extended amount of time), consider NOT spending all your free time there. Even going to the library to finish work alone can help you not be overwhelmed by the amount of time you may be with your partner. Trust and believe, the honeymoon period is real, and living together makes it shorter. You may get annoyed, frustrated, or just NEED interaction from your girlfriends. And that’s normal. Don’t neglect on those much needed girls nights, because as Destiny’s Child says, your girls will always have your back.
My experiences may be different than you all, so feel free to comment your experiences about living with a partner!