How To Lose a Friend in Ten Minutes

You know that person in your class. That person who snacks during lecture, with her mouth open; Facebook creeps on people in your class, during class; or taps her pencil incessantly.
 

Here is a list of things to do if you don’t want to make friends, and hey maybe you’re really focused on your studies and you don’t want to meet people. Well, then here is how to tick them off quick.
 
Because in just ten minutes people can put you inthat category. The “I can’t stand that girl” or “Never sit on the same side of the room as her” category. No matter how seriously you want to focus on the class, you do not want that reputation. So here is how to lose a friend in ten minutes flat.
 
1. Use both armrests, really spread out and delicately balance your coffee mug, a notebook, pencil, cell phone and a bagel all on those 5×5 inch desks. If the coffee spills all over the people next to you and then runs down staining every backpack from your seat to the front, oopsie.

2. Whip out your stinky salt and vinegar chips and munch away. Loudly. Then lean in to the people next to you and ask lots of questions; you can’t hear cause of your crunchy snack.

3. Check your facebook…and then look up people in your class who you’re not really friends with. Like the cute guy that sits in front of you, but you don’t know his name. He always wears a frat T-shirt so maybe you can track him down through that and the one mutual friend you saw him talking to one time in the pit. Add him during class, and then when the notification pops up on his phone, wink at him. It’s not creepy at all.

4. Grab a new seat every time you come to class. Move around the same area so you really keep people on their toes.

5. Cantankerously shuffle in 15 minutes late and “type with purpose.” If you’re in a bad mood everyone’s going to know by the way you’re attacking your keyboard.

6. Tweet how much you hate the class you’re in, every five minutes from start to finish with the hashtag #notwinning.

7. Use your webcam during class to make kissy faces at your boyfriend, who is in his own class. Make sure the people sitting behind you are in the background of the video, too. They love that.

8. Read the DTH during class, wide open, slowly perusing through every page full size. Then wrestle to fold it up so you can do the cross word and ask your neighbors, “What’s a three letter word for annoying?”

9. Use an iPad to take pictures of the board instead of taking notes…what a helpful tool.

10. Put your phone on vibrate to be polite, but then answer your calls when they come in because, “She said what? Well she told me that he said that she was flirting with…”

11. Wear shirts that say, “I’m out of bed and dressed what more do you want?” or “My mom thinks I’m special.” Or my personal favorite, “F.B.I. Female Body Inspector.” Classic.

12. Chew gum, blow bubbles and pop them loudly. When you’re blowing bubbles try not tp spit it into the persons hair in front of you, but if it does just snip it out and stick it under your chair.

13. Talk about how much you agree with everything the pit preacher says and really admire him for calling people out.

14. During every class, use Stumbleupon with the subject of weird animal videos. The kind that are so distracting, people behind you can’t help but stare. Then ask them for notes because you never pay attention.

15. Smoke right before you come to class so you have that nice gray cloud surrounding you and you smell freshly of urban smog.

16. Come to class reeking of vodka twice a week, with alcohol sweating out your pores. You’re probably thinking hey, I’m out of bed that’s step one. Don’t bother spritzing some perfume to save the rest of us.

17. Sneeze on the people in front of you.

18. Wear a watch that ticks on the second.

19. Flirt openly with your teacher.

20. Sketch pictures of the people you’re sitting around during class.

Pictures from:
Collegecandy.com
Esl.ohio-state.edu
Freedomstatesalliance.org
Montaraventures.com