My boyfriend and I started dating right before the pandemic hit, and before I knew it, I was being kicked out of my dorm at UNC-Chapel Hill and shipped back to upstate New York to live with my parents. I was devastated, and he was worried we “didn’t have enough time together yet,” which is valid considering we had only known each other for a little less than two months, and we would be spending 7+ months apart. So, he invited me to move into his apartment with him. Here’s how we survived a new relationship and living together, all during a global pandemic.
- Take Personal Space
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This saved us, and it helped that we had school work to do. I think that in any relationship, spending 24/7 together isn’t going to be healthy. I love him, but I think that it’s normal to be annoyed sometimes when living with someone and being unable to leave. During the daytime, we would each do things that made us happy and allowed us to take some personal space. My space would look like this: working on assignments, drawing/graphic design, running (rarely), watching TikToks on the deck, cooking/baking, zoom nights with friends, etc. These little things allowed us to not feel like we were overcrowding each other. Believe me, I loved spending every night with him for two months, but I think I might’ve lost my mind had I not had anything to myself.
- *Do Things* Together
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Although we couldn’t make plans to do anything that involved social contact with others, we would still do things together that were okay. Sometimes we would have painting nights where we would paint on canvases, we would run/walk the block together, cook dinner or breakfast together, play games together, or whatever the case. This allowed us to have something to *do* rather than feeling like we just lounged around and never really did anything together, although we were together a lot. That is something that bothers me personally; I like to do things together, rather than just spending time together doing essentially nothing. He was really patient with me and always tried to make sure that if I wanted to do an activity we would do it, but we also spent time lounging, watching movies and cuddling.
- Make Trips Outside Fun
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We absolutely loved going to the grocery store, or Walmart/Target if it was necessary. We would both get dressed up (you know, out of the usual sweatpants) and were really excited to go somewhere. We would jam out in the car and make lists of things we needed together. Honestly, I think this is what made me now like grocery shopping so much. We made our one weekly outing so enjoyable that we looked forward to it, even though it was just going to the store. We also would take pictures together outside if we were bored. We would get all cute, and go somewhere where no one else is (like a mural or the woods) and take some cute pictures together! This was a really enjoyable activity for me, and I think that because it made me so happy, it made him happy too. I think that’s another important note: learn to enjoy the things that make your S/O happy, even if you don’t love that particular activity.
- Make Plans
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Making plans was essential so we always had things to look forward to, even if they were little things. Some weeks we would plan to make a dessert, make a steak or order a pizza for dinner. Those were kind of luxuries and things we would get excited about. We would also plan some nights together, like movie nights, making sure we went to the store to get candy, soda and popcorn so it could feel like we were really at the movies. Making plans made me feel not only like I had something to look forward to, but that some of the time we spent together was very intentional. It’s important that when you spend 24/7 with someone, you also make some effort for intentional time. I think it makes a difference in showing the significance and meaningfulness of your partner in your life, showing that you’re willing to put in some effort to make a plan with them.
- Communicate Always
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Since our relationship was new and moving in together was even newer, we had to learn how to communicate well and had to do it fast. It’s a different kind of communication than just a regular relationship because when you live together you truly come to know what someone is like. It wasn’t my apartment, so although he was letting me stay with him, I had to be very open to communicating about what space was mine and how to respect that this was not planned to be a shared space. We had to learn how to navigate telling each other what was okay and what wasn’t, even small things like leaving towels on the floors, putting cups in the kitchen, making the bed, etc. They became very important things when all put together, and luckily we were able to talk and come to compromises about anything we needed to discuss. But it was important that we voiced how we were feeling rather than bottling it up and letting it burst later, which happened at first. Learning to communicate our needs was the best thing we did, and continues to benefit us now.
Although I’m extremely saddened by the global pandemic, I’m grateful that I was able to build a strong, healthy relationship during it. I’m grateful for the companionship and love that I was able to experience and am looking forward to living in a COVID-free world after the vaccine gets distributed to everyone.