There are two sides to every story.
In the He Said, She Said column, two UNC students, one male, one female, offer advice based on questions received from our collegiette readers. To submit a question, fill out the Submit Story Idea form on our website.
Over the summer my boyfriend and I were both doing internships in separate cities. We kept and in touch and Skyped all the time, but now we’re back at school, I just feel like things are slightly off. What can I do to rekindle the flame? Is it possible we fell out of love over the summer?
Dear Summer (No Lovin’)
Sounds like you didn’t exactly have a blast.
I don’t think that you are in danger of breaking up. It’s easy to see how you two could have drifted apart over the summer — it was almost as if you were living two completely separate lives. You were present in different social circles and only existed together in a virtual sense, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.
The first piece of advice I have is to sit down and talk about it. You don’t really know how he is feeling and it would be best for you to not jump to any conclusion without talking to him about it. Now that college has started, there is a lot of opportunity to hang out with friends and such, but don’t forget that you guys need to show each other some attention. Skype can only offer so much, if you know what I mean.
Take the time to get to know the “new yous” and rekindle your relationship. Chances are, if you survived the summer apart while staying together, you both want to be together and, chances are, will be really happy with how you both have grown.
If a one-on-one date or romantic time doesn’t make everything feel like normal, you might have to evaluate if that growing over the summer was too much and that you are in different mindsets now.
But chances are that since you stayed in contact over the summer and took that time, it will just take a while to get over the awkwardness of not seeing each other in months. Best of luck!
Dear Summer (No Lovin’)
It doesn’t sound like you need a fret about a break up just yet. People can grow a lot over a summer. But, that doesn’t mean you necessarily grew apart. I think the fact that you both decided to stay together during your internships, even though you were going to be in separate cities, says wonders about your relationship. Your boyfriend clearly wants to be with you for the long haul, so even though things may be slightly off for the time being, I promise it’s not permanent.
As I said, you and your boyfriend probably grew a lot over the summer – especially if you were both alone in new cities with a real job. If you haven’t already, I would make sure to show interest and ask about his experience. You might be able to hear learn about how he grew and see why things are slightly off.
If that doesn’t work, I would just make sure that take some time away from school and studying and schedule some alone time with him. Go on a date! Do something romantic, just the two of you, that will help rekindle the flame. Remind him how much you love and care about him and I’m sure any weirdness that was left over from being separated for so long will vanish in a heartbeat.
If this plan doesn’t work – then maybe you can start reevaluating. But, seriously, don’t fret just because things are a little off with you and your boyfriend. Relationships always have their up and down days. Yours will be back up soon.