There are two sides to every story.
In the He Said, She Said column, two UNC students, one male, one female, offer advice based on questions received from our collegiette readers. To submit a question, fill out the Submit Story Idea form on our website.
I used to be promiscuous in high school, but since coming to college (I am a sophomore now) I have tried to change my image. Three months ago, I met my boyfriend, and now things are getting serious. He doesn't know anything about my past, but I am pretty sure I don't have STDs or anything. Do I have to tell him I have had other partners in the past before things get physical? -Reformed Party Girl
Dear Reformed Party Girl,
Everyone has a past. Including your boyfriend, who probably seems to you as sweet as can be, but you never know how he was in high school either.
I have this theory that even if you have the best of intentions and you are trying to be honest, it never does any good to get into the dirty details of high school late-nights, exes or flings. Those are things you tell your best friend the morning after, and never speak of again.
Would you want to hear about your boyfriend’s random hookups? Do you really want to know his “number”? Probably not, and he doesn’t want to hear yours either. Guys are very visual – and the only thing that would happen by you describing your old-self to him would be exactly that – visualization!
If you are actually having concerned about your health, go get tested as soon as possible. If there is something up, you do not want the entire world to know when your boyfriend goes blabbing. It would be better for you to find out now, then him (and you) later on.
If he ever asks about past guys, I would certainly encourage you to be honest. I just would stray away from describing a scene out of a porno.
Keep it classy, reformed party girl.
Dear Reformed Party Girl,
You don’t have to tell him, but why not go ahead and do it? Who knows maybe you could have a contest to see who has been with more people. He would love that, I’m sure. Make a sexy game out of it. Go all out.
Actually — on second thought — don’t.
See, the harsh reality is that while your new boyfriend, as nice as he may be, has probably been with a slew of girls in the past. And as unfair as it is, it isn’t okay for you to share your colorful past with him. That’s just how it is. He can be a player but you will forever be cast as a “slut” if you reveal your number.
Good job changing your image between high school and college. It’s best that you keep the old you in the past and fully embrace this reformed sense of self. Another truth is that guys may like the slutty girl for one night (or maybe a few nights) but you stand no chance in the long run if you hadn’t embraced this new and improved you. Being the girl that a guy can take home to mom, good move.
In the case of your discretion about possible STDs, it would probably be best if you handled that on your own and only inform him of your adventure to student health if something arises.
Keep calm and keep your past behind you.