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He Said, She Said: Is it cheating if …

There are two sides to every story.
In the He Said, She Said column, two UNC students, one male, one female, offer advice based on questions received from our collegiette readers. To submit a question, fill out the Submit Story Idea form on our website.

I want a relationship, but there is no one I really like at the moment. I am physically attracted to one guy, but I know he is not the right one for me. Is it wrong to just hook-up with him, while I wait for “the one”? He may or may not have a girlfriend, but he hooks up with other girls all the time.

He Said:
Dear momentary desperation,

Isn’t it normal to want to occupy your time when you are waiting on something? Sure, you really want a relationship, but there’s nothing wrong with occupying yourself while you wait, right?

If you know that this hot guy isn’t “the one,” it should be easy for you to have hot, meaningless…fun with him. He apparently is already loose in the relationship that he has (or doesn’t have), so he is obviously willing to go for it. You have needs — and trust me, he does too.

You can’t be expected to stay cooped up like some nun until that momentous occasion where you meet your “destined one.” Let’s get real: who knows when that will ever happen.

Obviously if this guy “may or may not” have a girlfriend, he does and just doesn’t care, so why should you? In the immortal words of Mann ft. T-Pain, “Get it girl.” You’re single. Do you have any will power to push this good-looking guy away? No? That’s what I thought.

If you are okay with being just another notch in this guy’s belt, then go for it. There are obviously bigger self-esteem issues you need to work out before landing with the right guy and it would be better for you to get this out of your system now.

If I were you, I would give up on this whole “right guy” thing for the rest of college, have fun and don’t look back. College is a time to try new things — whether he is committed or not — and to find yourself (possibly doing a walk of shame). Until next time!


He said
She said:
Dear momentary desperation,

I’m assuming because you say he “may or may not” have a girlfriend, you mean he does
have a girlfriend. Coming from someone who has been cheated on and cheated with, all I
have to say is STOP. STOP RIGHT NOW. I don’t care if this guy is effing Ryan Gosling
– you need to STOP what you are doing.

I totally understand that you want a relationship. I get that there’s this guy who’s good-
looking and clearly into you that would it be easy and initially satisfying to get that
wanted attention from him. I get that this is all very hard to resist.

I’ve have so been there. I know it may be difficult to see this now, but it’s just not worth
hooking up with a guy in a relationship. I’m not saying you should be celibate until you
find your husband. That wouldn’t be any fun. I am just saying that you should have fun
and fling around with someone not in a relationship.

And, I have some shocking news for you. The second you stop looking and searching for
the “right guy,” the “right guy” will come along. So stop looking for your prince charming
and just enjoy life and college.

Let the cards fall as they may. It’s completely fine to be single. There will be another
equally as an attractive of a guy who is not in a relationship. Also, if this guy hooking up
with other girls “all the time,” doesn’t that say a lot about his character? Do you really
want to give it up to a guy like that?


She said

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