There are two sides to every story. In the He Said, She Said column, two UNC students, one male, one female, offer advice based on questions received from our collegiette readers. To submit a question, fill out the Submit Story Idea form on our website.
Question: “I was really good friends with one of the guys in my dorm freshman year, but when he pledged a fraternity spring semester, we drifted apart. Now, he is all frocket tees and bowties, while I am still sporting band T-shirts. We used to have a lot in common, but I don’t know if he thinks he is too cool for me now. Is it too late to rekindle our friendship?” — Converse Cutie
He Said:
Dear Converse Cutie,
While you’re chilling in those band T-shirts on a beanbag somewhere, he’s probably rocking that frocket and scoring with the hottest girls on campus. Here’s the bitter truth: he’s growing up and you’re still stuck in a teenager’s state of mind.
You should throw that dirty, obscure band T-shirt on the floor of your “indie” dorm room, throw on the sexiest thing you own and march yourself over to that frat house. You need to show him that you are interested in his new world, because he likely is still interested in those bands you bonded over, he has just realized that you don’t have to flaunt it for everyone to see.
College is about branching out, and if you stay in your little bubble you seem to be comfortable in, your friendship will continue to be fractured and you will continue to grow further and further apart.
I’m not saying you need to change who you are, but perhaps you could tone down the “alternative” girl you are fronting and become a little more attractive to the average college guy. Just think, you can impress these guys with your awesome music knowledge while not appearing to be uber obsessed. That whole “less is more” mantra, obey that.
If you want to save that innocent friendship from fall semester, it’s all about you adapting to the continually evolving situation and trade in those band T-shirts for a little black dress. Or, you know, normal people clothes.
HCXO, He said
She Said:
Dear Converse Cutie,
I understand the typical frat star may be a little intimidating. Tons of buff guys hollering and guzzling beer, while attending the craziest ragers every weekend doesn’t appeal to me either.
But, if you can look beyond the bow tie, khakis and a plethora of pastels, I’m sure your friend will still be your friend. There’s no rule out there that says a bow tie doesn’t go with a band tee. Your friend probably just got swept away in the pledge process, parties and all the new people, that he hasn’t reached out to you in a while.
You don’t need to be a “sorority girl” to have friends in fraternities. I bet if you reached out to your friend casually, he’d be thrilled to hang out.
It’s possible that I’m wrong. If he’s embracing the frat guy stereotype by getting more action than Spiderman flying down the side of a building and drinking more beer than the city of Venice has water, maybe he’s not worth your time.
But, there’s no harm in trying. Even if his new fratastic look feels a little douchetastic, you’re losing more by not reaching out to your long lost friend.
So keep you rockin’ your converses and band tees. The cover doesn’t define the book and the bow tie doesn’t define the guy, and I’m sure you haven’t lost your friend forever.
HCXO, She said