#FoodforThought: Potatoes, Ranked.

I’m always hungry, and I always write these "food, ranked" pieces right before dinner, so it’s peak starving content. I’m practically salivating on the keys as I type. When I found out the theme for the week was #FoodForThought, I knew I had to do another hierarchical list, but the only complication was I didn't know which food to rank. Then, it hit me; what food do I think about the most? By far, potatoes. Disclaimer: Everything listed, I love. This is actually painful for me to do. Every potato dish deserves to be eaten.

  1. 1. Waffle Fries

    The ultimate food choice. When they’re cooked all crispy on the outside and soft on the inside? I’m drooling just picturing it. They go with any sauce, but, better yet, they’re capable of being an entire dish without any sauce at all. The superior fry, and the superior potato. They deserve their spot at the top.

  2. 2. Mashed Potatoes

    Man, oh man. The beauty of mashed potatoes is their sheer versatility. If they’re completely smooth? Delicious. Add a dash of pepper? Fantastic. A thin coat of paprika on a crispier top? Life doesn’t get better than this. Wanna keep a couple chunks whole and leave a little skin on? I’m here to experiment. You can’t go wrong. Proud to be American when I’m thinking about mashed potatoes.

  3. 3. Kettle-cooked Potato Chips

    The new generation is always the best, and potato chips are no exception. These are absolutely dangerous to have in possession because, if they’re in my vicinity, I’m thinking about them. The crunch? Impeccable. The oil consumption? Enough for a whole-ass meal. Nothing tastes like this.

  4. 4. Shoestring Fries

    They’re good. Like, I’m not trying to say they’re inferior. The problem with shoestring fries is, if they’re not made right (oversalted or overbaked or too soft in the center), you leave your dish feeling sorta greasy. Not that the feeling isn’t worth the taste, but the pros balance the cons and result in this middle-ground ranking.

  5. 5. Regular Potato Chips

    All-American content. Good on a nice summer day, especially pool days. Pool chips absolutely hit different, something about the chlorine, maybe, or the pressing summer heat. I, however, have two complaints, the first being that I have a habit of eating these without even thinking about them when they’re in front of me, and then they’re gone. Secondly, the roof of my mouth sometimes gets over-salted. Not a fan.

  6. 6. Baked Potato

    Sure. Once, in sophomore year of high school, I had a mild case of the flu and had trouble keeping down any foods that weren’t bread or rice, and I remember, after like three days straight of just straight chugging bread with scarce jam, the taste of a baked potato was the most heavenly thing I'd ever tasted. I’m sure y’all have had similar experiences.

  7. 7. Tater tots

    They’re really good, and they really don’t deserve this ranking. They deserve to be depicted by a writer who doesn’t have such a sensitive stomach, a writer that can endure the fried oil and the quease that comes after it. I wish I could cherish you, tater tots, more than you know.

Did I leave out something important? Strongly disagree? Want to DoorDash me your choice of potato dish? Let me know.