Online dating can be a rollercoaster or a train wreck, and it all depends on your approach. I eventually found a good man after too many swipes and a dozen bad dates, and I’m here to share the tips and tricks I wish I’d had when I started.
DO put some effort into your profile. Your bio shouldn’t be a memoir—it only needs to give matches a conversation starter or first date idea. I’m a firm believer in photo formulas for online dating: one selfie, a group photo, a photo of you doing something you enjoy, and a full body shot if you want to include one.
DON’T set too many expectations about dates or online dating in general. Online dating is a hit or miss thing. You will have some bad dates, but you’ll have some good ones as well. Let the bad ones go and follow up on the good ones. Just go with the flow and don’t force something that doesn’t feel right just for the sake of finding a relationship. You might find a prince charming, who knows? You won’t. But you might.
DO try to drive the conversation if things are slowing down. Conversations starting with “hey” don’t go anywhere, so feel free to send some fun gifs or questions to get to know your match better. It’s okay for women to take control of the conversation. This also applies to planning meetups and dates – if you’re interested, take control and offer date ideas yourself!
DON’T be overly restricted with your swipes. Those who have been on Tinder know that addictive first week where every other swipe is a match. When things slow down, I encourage you to make those iffy swipes. Don’t just aim for matches that are way out of your league or who have great profiles, because you could be closing off some really fun possibilities.
DO abandon bad dates. You’ll meet people you don’t jive with, and you don’t need to stick around for the sake of politeness. Whether they are a terrible kisser or won’t stop talking about cryptocurrency investing, you can always fake a period or go for a never-ending bathroom break. Sometimes you’ve just got to get out!
DON’T waste time or ignore red flags. If you know it’s not working out with a match, let them know and move on. If they talk more about their ex than themselves on your first date or they don’t like the Muppets, get out of there!
DO be open with your match. People come to dating apps for many different things, and being honest will make it a lot easier to find someone interested in the same thing you are, whether that is feeling things out for a relationship or just hooking up. When you do end up in bed with someone for the first time, establishing a good habit of communication will lead to better sex quickly. Don’t be afraid to be who you are!
DON’T be afraid of pillow talk. Getting intimate with someone lets you open up and trust more easily than any other activity, and you should take advantage of that. Pillow talk makes it easy to learn about your partner and tell them about yourself. It is a good way to get ideas for a second date, or possibly to realize you don’t need one with that person.
DO take care to be safe. Don’t trust others to be prepared—birth control is covered by most insurance, and you should always have protection. It’s always a good idea to meet in a public place for a first date and text your friends where you will be and who you’re with. Trust your gut if something feels off. Drinking too much can make you go along with situations that might trigger alarm bells otherwise.
I swiped right on about half of the profiles I saw, with a little less than a hundred swipes per day. Over the months, that means I looked at over a thousand profiles before I found the guy I’ve dated since last winter. I found a man who makes me laugh every day and has been there for me every time I’ve needed him. Finding him was worth dozens of unimaginative pickup lines, the boy who kissed like a fish, and the frat boy who offered to go halvesies on Plan B. Dating takes time and effort, and online dating is no different. But if you stick it out through the end it can be completely worth it.