It’s pretty standard, when I tell people I go to the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, that they ask me about going to the basketball games.
Now, I used to lie most of the time and say that games were fun and I had been to many of them, but this ended up biting me in the butt a couple of times when they would start asking about specific players and rivals. I learned pretty quickly that it was just easier to tell people the truth.
The truth being that I really, really (really) do not like basketball.
In my opinion, watching basketball is like watching ten very tall people play a very complicated game of ping pong. Your head just bounces back and forth between both ends, and all they do is run back and forth quickly. The student seats are no good, and the popcorn is expensive.
Honestly, what is the point?
These are ten things you could be doing during a basketball game that aren’t watching basketball and are way better uses of your time.
- Homework – is it a sexy option? No. Is it a great thing to knock out of the way while your friends are at the game? Absolutely! Now you will be free for the next fun thing, while they have to finish a project.
- Going to the gym – you will feel healthy, hearty and proud of yourself! Go you! Make sure to hydrate!
- Bake a cake – what better way to enjoy your night than with some mixing and baking? Your friends are paying $7 for some cold popcorn bags, but you’ll be cozy at home and happily full of pastry.
- Go play some laser tag – the kids are still into that, these days, right? A great way to alleviate some anxiety and let off some steam. Also, the neon looks great for the ‘gram.
- Learn to ride a horse – I mean, why not? When people come back from the Dean Dome, their legs sore, pockets empty, you can look down on them from your – say it with me – high horse with glee.
- Build yourself a house – you’ve got time; those games last too long anyway. Just get some wood and nails, and you’ll be good to go!
- Invite the family over – obviously, you’ll want to have a house-warming party in your newly built house, and surely the game is still in its first half, at this point. But wait, what’s this? Your family is at the game too? Disown them. Enjoy your house on your own.
- Hold an illegal poker ring – this is how you will make yourself a new family. Invite some new people over and start running a poker scheme out of your new, fresh basement. [Disclaimer: I am not truly encouraging anyone to commit any crimes. This statement is purely satirical. Please do not try this suggestion at home.]
- Frame your poker buddies for murder – AHA! Unbeknownst to your new poker friends, this was your plan all along! Frame them all for murder before they can squeal on your poker ring. Watch them all go to jail. Wear nothing but designer clothes to the court cases, as they are dragged away. [Disclaimer: again, I am not truly encouraging anyone to commit any crimes. This statement is purely satirical. Please do not try this suggestion at home.]
- Seduce their wives and girlfriends while they serve their time – or, you know, just befriend them if that’s more your speed. I suggest bonding over an activity or night of entertainment. I hear basketball’s always a fun event this time of year.