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Perfectly Imperfect: A College Students Confession

This previous semester was the most challenging and difficult semester i’ve ever had to get through. When I say difficult, I mean crying in office hours, sleeping away the stress and overeating to cope with it all. It’s hard for me to admit those things, but there are things that a lot of college students go through everyday. The semester started off like any other; I was feeling out my professors and getting accustomed to my everyday schedule. All of a sudden, things seemed to take off at lightning speed. I started to miss deadlines, fail quizzes and tests and I felt completely lost. Not only was I struggling academically, but I felt like I was struggling in my personal life as well. I would argue with some of my friends more than often and I had so much anxiety about dealing with everyday activities like going to the cafeteria and walking to class. I was nervous about each day, because I felt like there was another failure around the corner just waiting for me.

By midterms, I realized that things weren’t going how i’d expected. I’m an overachiever at heart, and it hurt to see my academics suffering. I felt like everything was falling apart, and I would no longer be the scholar that I claimed to be. I felt like I would be viewed different and shamed for my less than perfect grades. Things weren’t going up from there, and I just tried my best to get through each day. Eventually, finals were knocking on my door and I knew that I would have to go through rough nights of studying and attempting to focus on what I believed to be so important. No matter what, I couldn’t focus on my notes, I couldn’t take my mind off of a possible failure and it led to a lot of procrastination. I pulled all nighters like a lot of us do and walked into my finals with a heavy heart. I knew that I was putting in all of the effort that I had left, but it wouldn’t be enough. My grades appeared before me a few weeks later and the worst of all news was on my computer screen. I received a C in one of my courses. This felt like a slap in the face. I knew that I had to accept the grades before me, because they were the grades i’d earned. I received the grades that reflected my work ethic that semester and they were far from my perfectionist standard.

Although my grades might’ve been better than others, I felt like i’d failed myself. I still feel like i’ve disappointed myself more than ever, but I constantly ask myself why I can’t just acknowledge my failures and move on. Why can’t I be accepting of my struggles and just stop being so hard on myself? It’s as if it’s easier said than done. I’m not sure what I’m trying to prove to myself, but it’s so hard for me to accept mediocrity. My peers constantly tell me that I’m too serious and I don’t realize how good I have it, but it’s hard for me to agree with them.

So, for 2018 i’ve decided to acknowledge that i’m not perfect and i’m never going to be. I have to realize that there’s no such thing as perfect, and being myself is just enough for me. I don’t have to prove anything to anyone as long as I’m trying my best. It’s not an easy task to get over your unhealthy coping mechanisms, but I’m going to take it a day at a time. If you’re a scholar who feels like they aren’t good enough, please acknowledge that you’re not alone and there’s no such thing as perfect.  

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Hi! I'm Aliyah, a Senior Business Administration major with a concentration in marketing from PG County, Maryland. I spend my time watching YouTube videos, Netflix and reading books. I love all things storytelling.
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