An Open Letter to The Woman Who Needs to Let Go

An Open Letter to The Woman Who Needs to Let Go

Never in a million years did I think I’d be writing to myself, about myself, or for myself to help another woman in the same spot. I never realized how bad you would begin to crumble and how bad you began to lose whom you were trying to find in someone else.

I never perceived that your circle would change and because of that over the years, you began to develop differently than that girl you were in middle school could’ve ever pictured you to be. I didn't see how much time you gave to others without ever placing any into yourself, so now we’re here. So many times in college you have experienced the highest highs and lowest of lows, all drawn into you by forces unexplainable. I’ll never forget this time last year, how things began to fall apart, how you let go of everything besides what’s actually bad for you.

"It’s so simple", people claim, to get up and walk out, to move on.  I could never sit here and imagine life without you in it, life without me in it, but I did just that. I let go of everything, mainly myself. Yet, I kept the toxicity surrounding me, now look at where we are. 

Why is that I’m constantly told: "God gives the hardest battles to those who are strongest"? What if I want to be weak for just a day? What if I want to be the one who is comforted and not the one comforting others?  I drowned last year, went under the deep end, I couldn't believe it. You lost me, you lost you, I lost me all thanks to you.

Firstly, this isn’t what I expected out of you. A friendship, the person I confided in the most to tear me down for their pleasures, but you did just that. You’re unhappy so everyone else must be too right? If things don’t go your way they cannot go another way. To the woman who needs to let go: do it, because they will without permission.

How did we end up this way? How did I end up this way? I couldn't let go because it’d hurt you more than me, I would benefit you more than you benefit me, a toxic friendship in full stride. You can’t choose unless you ask me first, you can’t move without my opinion, every problem you have ends up in my messages. You, my dear, looked up to me and wanted everything I have, but let go. 

I never thought it’d end so poorly, I tried my absolute hardest but I let go.  The relationship I thought we had is much different from how it played out.  Oh, you jealous, envious thing, let go, love what you have without watching me. Remember how we met, what could we have expected? The same way you met me is the same way you lost me, what could we have expected? I shouldn't have expected much else from someone who is lost themselves. 

Fast-forward, a year has passed, I have let go. You came back but I am far gone. To the girl that I let go, I hope you let go too.