Honesty is defined as the quality of telling the truth. Noy lying or being deceitful is a key component for obtaining happiness in a relationship. In the last part of “Going the Distance,” I mentioned trust as being one of the characteristics of a successful relationship, but honesty is just as important; honesty and trust go hand-in-hand. As you build one characteristic the others grow as well; you cannot trust your partner if they are not being honest with you, and vice versa. Being honest with your partner is only “half the battle”; the other half is believing that your partner is being completely honest with you. Obtaining this is a challenge in any relationship but maintaining honesty in a long-distance relationship is harder to accomplish.
When speaking about relationships and qualities that a partner must have, people usually talk about what they want and not what they can offer/provide. It is important to start with self when analyzing a relationship and determining what needs to be improved. The first step in doing this is asking yourself “am I being completely honest with my partner” and answering truthfully. Being dishonest to protect your partner or to avoid hurting them because you have done something wrong does not justify lying to them or being dishonest. Although you might feel the need to omit to inform your partner of a situation, he or she might be more upset about you lying to them rather than being upset about the actual information. Believing that you are being dishonest with your partner in a relationship stems from a guilty conscience.
Believing that your partner is not honest in the relationship stems from a lack of trust. Thinking that your partner is being dishonest is not uncommon in a long-distance relationship. It is hard to guarantee or verify that your partner is being honest because you are not geographically there with them. Reassurance is one of the many ways to gain more trust that your partner is being honest with you.
From my own experience with long-distance relationships, my reassurance is a result of good and healthy communication. When my partner communicates with me that he is going to a part for example-whether he knows everyone attending or not-it reassures me that he has nothing to hide. As a result of this, I trust him more and I do not question whether he is lying. Toward the beginning of our relationship, I did not trust my partner; I did not believe that he was being honest with me. The lack of trust in my partner’s honesty has resulted in a lot of arguments that could have been avoided. It was not until I realized there was no way to guarantee that my partner was not lying to me and there was no proof that he was, so I had to trust him. I put all my feelings of doubt to the side and put faith in my partner that he would not cheat on me and he is being honest with me.
All relationships have their challenges but working through them and maintaining a healthy relationship is not impossible. Studies show that couples who are long-distance last longer because of the stable foundation of trust and honesty; you have to decide whether the relationship is worth going the distance.
