Have you noticed how, since we were little, we’re taught that our happiness is always tied to another person? That life only “makes sense” when we find a partner, get married, have children, and build the so-called traditional Brazilian family — preferably before turning thirty. It’s curious how this narrative still appears in so many conversations, even with so many female achievements in the last few decades. Sometimes it’s blatant, and other times it is disguised as concern, like “you deserve someone special” or “what about the boyfriends?”. As if being single were a phase we need to get over. As if we were only complete when we finally say “yes” at the altar.
The most absurd thing is that this idea doesn’t even seem that old. It still appears in soap operas, romantic comedies, song lyrics, and family lunches, where your professional success is praised but followed by a “now you just need a boyfriend!”. We grow up hearing that love is synonymous with salvation and that, if you’re alone, something is wrong. Spoiler: it’s not.
Being single is not synonymous with loneliness. It’s freedom. And choosing to be alone, at least for now, is a movement that is gaining more and more strength among young women, especially in a scenario where self-knowledge, career focus, and emotional well-being are at the center of decision-making. Today, prioritizing yourself over a relationship is not selfish. It’s courageous.
Do we have the right to be single?
According to a study by the Instituto Patrícia Galvão in partnership with the Instituto Locomotiva, 77% of Brazilian women still feel pressured to marry and have children, and 67% believe that a woman’s success is still associated with her love life and family. This reveals that, even up with so many social transformations happening, we still live under the weight of a system that conditions us to believe that being with someone is always better than being with ourselves. But the data also shows something else: this narrative is being challenged. According to an analysis by IDados, based on the 1970 and 2010 censuses, the proportion of single women aged 25 to 34 increased from 29.5% to 38.5% during this period. In other words, many women are saying “no, thank you” to this pressure.
And it doesn’t stop there. The 2022 IBGE Census showed that almost half of Brazilian households (49.1%) are headed by women. In 2010, this number was 38.7%. This data speaks not only about statistics: it speaks about protagonism. It speaks about a generation that is taking control of its own life, paying its bills, traveling alone, making choices freely — and, yes, saying that it’s okay not to have a partner now, or maybe ever.
This shift in mindset has a huge impact on how we see ourselves. Because being single can, yes, be very good. It can be light. It can be the moment when you find yourself, rebuild yourself, and recognize yourself without needing to mold yourself to fit into someone else’s life. Psychologist Bella DePaulo, from the University of California in Santa Barbara, studies the lives of single people and discovered that they tend to value meaningful work more, maintain broader social ties, and develop a strong sense of self-determination. They take care of themselves, make decisions more independently, and often know themselves on a deeper level than rushed relationships usually allow.
Love yourself first, then love someone else
It may sound cliché, but enjoying your own company is one of the greatest acts of love we can experience. And no, that doesn’t mean not wanting a relationship at some point. But it means understanding that you don’t need one to feel complete. It’s being able to go to the movies alone and be moved by the film, go for coffee on your own and enjoy that sweet silence with a book in hand, dance in your room wrapped in a towel with no one watching — and without needing an audience. It’s taking pleasure in being with yourself, without rushing to share this space with someone.
The truth is that being single is also a form of freedom. It’s when we learn to listen to our own body, respect our limits, take care of our physical and mental health, and exercise not to please someone, but because we enjoy it. It’s the time to discover new hobbies, start writing again, paint, read more — or do nothing. And that’s okay. It’s time to look inward, to connect with your faith or spirituality, whatever it may be. To, if you can, do therapy and understand that you are your safe place.
Being single should not be seen as a waiting phase. Much less of a problem to be solved. Sometimes, it’s the opposite: it’s a conscious choice of someone who knows themselves, respects themselves, and doesn’t accept anything less than they deserve. Because deep down, living alone doesn’t mean being alone. It means being whole.
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The article above was edited by Larissa Prais.
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