Family is the most important thing we have, the most valuable one. The majority of people have as their families a father and a mother and they are accustomed to live this way. But, sometimes, a lot of us have to deal with a shocking fact that can change all the familiar structure: separation of our parents.
To better understand that situation and the consequences it can bring, students from Cásper Líbero University were interviewed and, in addition to telling their experiences, they shared very precious tips for those who are going through the same situation. “Even that looks difficult, your parents will be happier and more free than when they were in an unhappy marriage! And life always prepare us something. In my case, I didn’t expect, but the separation of my parents gave me one more brother and now I know that was the best decision!”. This statement was given by the journalism student Helena Rinaldi and expresses the opinion of all the interviewees, who made it a point to affirm that the separation of the parents is never the children’s fault and, therefore, there is no reason to be ashamed.
70% of the girls said they remember the separation process and most of them said that there was a lot of fighting, either by the separation itself, or the custody or pension. According to Vitória Vaz “At first I accepted well because my parents fought a lot and I could see that they were not happy, so I thought it was really the best thing to do. Over time, I began to feel strange because I didn’t have my father’s presence every day.”, representing a large number of the interviewees.
Among the reports, the most common reason for the separation is the fact that parents fought a lot, being unhappy as a couple. 60% said they were informed of the parents’ decision, but it was not difficult to find stories like Brunelle Dubieux, who tells “One fine day my father took his things and left, leaving a note for my mother.” Court-of-custody fights are not so quoted by Casper students (only 10%). In the overwhelming majority of cases, 87%, it was decided by a consensual agreement that the daughter would stay with her mother. A single interviewee, Ana Beatriz Gonçalves, claims to pass more time with her father. The others (9%) live on shared custody.
Pensions, however, are a factor that brings big problems. Of all, only 36% receive a pension, and of these, a total of 62.5% suffer from delays and payments less than due – “Now I receive pension, but it only began to be paid after a long and tiring judicial fight. When my father moved, he omitted the address and never sent any money. 5 years passed and we filed a lawsuit, he deposited a large amount of months late and then paid a few right. After that, this event repeated and I stayed 8 years without pension. At the end of the last year, after a prison sentence he deposited another amount, but still has a long delay.” says Beatriz Cuvolo. About the relationship between parents and daughters it is much more unusual find someone who fights more with mother’s family than father’s family. Just two interviewees said that they fight a lot with their mothers, but statements as this one gave by Júlia Faria are really common – “Today I see my father two times a month and I don’t have any contact with his family. But at first, I spent some months without see him. My sister and I consider as our family just our mom’s family.”. Isabelly Simoncello reported “My parents are best friends. We always go out together. Love is still here, but in a different way.”, expressing a little parcel of the students. 70% said that their parents just talk about things related with their kids and another 20% claim that their parents don’t talk about anything.
Another common point in the speeches are the brothers, the importance of have a brother by your side to support and understand you – “If you have brothers stay by their side. That is a moment you need support and have people who are living the same thing with you helps a lot.”, said Júlia Faria.
With very different stories, some well resolved, some less so; with friendly or very complicated relationships; with or without pension and many other divergences that are part of life as human beings, the most said aspect is that everything always works out in the end and that the daughters will be happier this way than in a home in disharmony as well as summarizes Bárbara Oliveira “First of all, we can not blame ourselves. Our parents are adults and they know what they do. Before being a couple, they are human beings and have to seek what is best for them, they have that right. “