“You got deluded, you got attached, and I take the blame. Out of ten women who come my way, eleven are crazy.” The excerpt above refers to one of the most viral Brazilian songs at the beginning of the year. The lyrics romanticize the absence of emotional responsibility. But do you know what that is, and how is it present in our daily lives?
First, we need to understand that we don’t control what others feel, but rather how we act. However, when you enter into a relationship, your actions can directly influence what the other person feels.
The term Emotional Responsibility means understanding and fulfilling your role in a relationship, by thinking carefully before acting, making your true intentions with that relationship clear through dialogue in an empathetic way, and putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. It also involves respect, by setting our boundaries and not crossing those of the person we are involved with.
Recognizing the importance of the emotions of those we relate to is one of the main pillars for building healthy bonds and relationships. It is important to emphasize that emotional responsibility should be present in all types of relationships, whether familial, in friendships, or any kind of romantic involvement.
Irresponsibility
The absence of emotional responsibility fosters the construction of unhealthy relationships. When one member of the relationship doesn’t make their goals clear, the other tends to get deluded, creating a new perspective for the future. The breaking of expectations can trigger various other insecurities, such as low self-esteem and rejection.
In the previously mentioned song “De 10 mulher, 11 é maluca“, by MC Saci, the lack of emotional responsibility manifests through the man’s immaturity, as he fails to make his true intentions clear to his partner, leading her on and making her the culprit for creating expectations in the relationship.
The romanticization of emotional irresponsibility promotes the false idea that “it’s okay” not to care about others. It causes an immature sense of inflated ego, where the irresponsible person feels desired and empowered, believing they have the right to hurt the other, leading to a sense of control in the relationship.
If boundaries are not set, those who suffer from emotional irresponsibility may develop relationship traumas, along with distrust, loneliness, anger, and low self-esteem. In worse cases, a toxic and abusive relationship may develop from one side.
In everyday life
It’s not uncommon to encounter immature people when it comes to relationships. We have all had fake friendships, romantic disappointments, or that inconvenient relative – but how we deal with these situations is what matters. After all, we can only control what is within our control.
I believe that the widespread romanticization of this idea is caused by the media, where we hear phrases like “relationships are a thing of the past”, making it more common to come across emotionally irresponsible people. But we need to understand that it’s okay not to want to commit to someone, as long as you make that clear; otherwise, it’s pure childishness.
We will never be 100% responsible for other people’s emotions, but we do need to be careful with our words and actions because we never know how they might affect someone else.
__________
The article above was edited by Clarissa Palácio.
Did you like this type of content? Check Her Campus Cásper Líbero’s home page for more!